OH sa mire te kam qene ne Shqiperia!

I was attempting to wait until the complete end of my summer travels to blog one big blog BUT I cant, because my Trip to Albania was Fan-Tabulous! I had the greatest of times in Albania, between my travel buddy, the food and the scenery and options, Albania is definitely worthy of the term “hidden gem”.

I spent 4 days at a hostel in Saranda, Albania which is a coastal city in the south. Saranda is interesting in that it is very city, but right next to the hustle and bustle there are kilometers of rocky, clear blue and green Adriatic water and FULL of Umbrella and sunscreen-clad sun seekers. We spent four days in Saranda, two of which we did day trips to nearby areas, The Blue Eye Spring and Gjirokaster. The opportunities form Saranda are AMAZING and the views are beautiful! The first day in Saranda, we stayed strictly on the beach, This trip was for food and relaxation and that is exactly what we did. Cocktails, food, sea and lots of sun, I am sure I am about 7 shades darker from that hot Albanian sun. We also enjoyed AMAZING seafood Albania’s waters had to offer us. We ate like Superstars and splurged every evening on treats such as fresh grilled octopus in a white cream sauce and grilled stuffed squid with fresh salad and great wine and cocktails. (Foodies will love this area of the world!)

While in Saranda, we did a day trip to the Blue Eye, in Albanian, Syri I Kalter. It is a spring which, from the top, looks like the iris and surrounding area of an eye which is where the spring gets its name, The center of the spring is at least 50 meters deep and pushes you up when you jump in, but what wasn’t told was just how COLD the water was! The reason everyone has these photos sans people is because you jump in and after about 30 seconds, your body starts freezing the water is so cold. We met this super sweet Aussie couple when we were at the hostel who accompanied us to the Blue Eye and it was awesome hearing about them and their travel experiences thus far. You can check out their blog here if you wish to see their travels in and around the world thus far J We hiked (it felt like it in that 90 something degree heat and dusty road, it was about 2km worth of walking sooo yes HIKE!) to the Blue eye and jumped right in! We saw an (what seemed to be) abandoned church at the entrance, and explored that some before walking to the Spring. Once we enjoyed the spring and the AWESOME photo opportunities this natural wonder offered we stopped at a Monastery which is being restored and got some beautiful views of villages just outside Saranda and the construction process for the monastery.

Our second day trip to Gjirokaster took us on an unexpected tour of the variances of Albania’s landscape and we went from coastal beach town to arid, dry almost desert areas in the process of an hour. Gjirokaster is situated at the bottom of mountains which meet to form a wide dry valley. It is a beautiful and intriguing site which, to get to, you take Winding, up and down mountain roads, along the sides of mountains that range from luscious trees and greenery to jagged rocks and steep cliffs. Gjirokaster is a city that has been in existence for over 2500 years, and has an old and new city. The old city is situated more into the mountain, whereas the new city goes from the bottom of the mountain into the valley. There is a stark contrast when you are walking down one of the major roads between the two areas that you know you cross from old to new city. There is a beautiful Kalaja – Albanian for castle/fortress that sits atop the old city and looks out into the valley. The fortress is fairly complete and was the first complete fortress I have been to in Eastern Europe up until this point. It was used as a location to hold weapons for the Albanian army. In addition to the complete Kalaja, there is a World War Two airplane in an outdoor area that you have COMPLETE access to.

Overall Albanian proved to be an amazing choice and I definitely have plans to further explore, not just southern, but all of Albanian in the future. The people were sweet (knowing Albanian and the expressions/reactions which That caused were PRICELESS), food was Amazing, destinations were endless and overall just an amazing trip. Ill post a comprehensive summer travel blog after my final trip and another post of all Photos :)

Happy Summer!

Mansions, Pools and Privilege too

Alton Sterling. Philando Castile.

     These are two names of the 100's of black lives that have been killed in America by police in 2016 alone. These men and all those who have lost their lives to police brutality are more than hashtags. They are ALL worthy of more than a day(s) plus of a breaking news story. All of them, in their most basic form, are HUMANS. A living, breathing, feeling being; a person with a family, friends, loved ones who were and live on as more than a statistic of being shot down by police. At the core of the issue as well is one of them could have easily been ME.
     I am PRIVILEGED, and my privilege smacked me in the face on July 9th. As I read over Facebook post, news articles, tweets and messages between fellow volunteers of color, I became angry. Why was this happening again? Does NO ONE see our humanity, do they not understand that black lives are being ATTACKED and MURDERED on American streets for the whole world to see, here goes another case without a conviction. I wanted to get up and do something, let my voice be heard and my humanity to be seen, and in that moment my privilege smacked me, all 25 plus years of it. Who was I to be upset when there I was sitting in a foreign land, at a beautiful house, lounging by the pool. Me and my degree, my "great" upbringing, my world traveling. Who was I to be upset about anything?! Well here is the thing, despite all the experiences, education and "connections" I may have, I can easily be one encounter away from being a hashtag on someones timeline simply because of my melanated epidermis. Another volunteer and I had this conversation and the point we came to was the same as above, except for us we could be labeled a black returned peace corps volunteer killed by police, instead of black woman killed by police. Even with that we know that all aspects of our life would be investigated, and despite the fact that we served our country to promote peace and bridge gaps, the fact that we are serving in a majority Muslim country could be used against us, the fact that our neighborhoods in country are majority Muslim could be used to spin a story of "ISIS connections" or any other ridiculous comment to paint us in a negative light. But if we are the victims why would WE or whoever the victim is be investigated? Why does the person who is no longer living become subject to scrutiny, rather than the offending officer? What about their past, their family history, THEIR run in with the system or citizens? But this is what being black in America is like - never good enough and in some way deserving of whatever misfortune comes to you. So how do I explain to my host families, my friends what is it like to be Black in America? Conversely, how do I explain to my family and friends in America what its like to be Black in Eastern Europe? My current home, but a place where I am perceived with curiosity, misunderstanding and judged to be something other than what I am. A place where my character, behavior and experiences are not relegated based upon face to face interaction, but rather what they see on television, which is full of American programs, and portrays me as either someones "baby mama", a loud/crazy, neck rolling, attitude having woman, or someone who is promiscuous - but ultimately just my skin. Do you see the issue with that? The fact that a lot of interactions I have are based upon my hair or my skin, and sometimes people just can't get past that. They don't really want to know my experiences but want to understand why I am "different" and why I am here. But me just being isn't enough, it always has to be related to my blackness. Constantly stuck in a place where my epidermis is what defines me, my interactions my life.

     As a black woman, I live a very privileged life, however, I also live a life of having to constantly prove, explain and show myself not only "worthy" but also as being more than what I am portrayed to be. I am tired though. Tired of having to jump through so many hoops. There is a serious problem in American institutions as well as in the overall American psyche about what it means to be Black. Being Black to me is about having a unique history. Its about being innovative, progressive, family and community oriented, being able to grow and flourish from concrete. Its about wanting to break barriers and leave them behind, about being accepted and spreading love. My job as a PCV is more than whats stated in a manual or brochure. It is about breaking down stereotypes associated with me and showing people how to love treat, enjoy and respect one another (Though I am still working on a baby I know who after a year still gets scared when he sees me :-/ ). I don't want to be the "standard" for which all people of color are judged, but I do want to be the standard for which all people "like me" are respected.

     My privilege is sometimes burdensome, but in other moments it provides me with unique opportunities to meet people in a manner others don't have the ability to. I will continue to learn to wear my privilege proudly and will use it to make a change, even if it doesn't allow me to make differences where I want, a difference can be made. That keeps me going because others weren't afforded the opportunity to even acknowledge theirs, so for that I must continue work that is bigger than me.
So we don't forget here are some of their names: Sandra Bland, Tamir Rice, Eric Garner, Mike Brown and all those who the news cycle didn't acknowledge - Love.

 - Ashley

A Year in Kosovo!

On June 7, 2015 I arrived on Kosovar soil, and it has been a crazy, growing, exciting, interesting year. When I arrived in Kosovo, I would have never guessed that I would experience and participate in such a variety of things. Being here has definitely stretched me as a person, and provided me with new realizations, viewpoints, friends and perspectives. Add to the fact that our new group has finally arrived, I feel it important to list some growing points/accomplishments which have occurred thus far in my service.

Growing Points

1. Expect the Unexpected
• During my Training and my first year of service there were many events and happenings that were, and still are, out of my control. As someone who loves to be in control, I can be honest about it :) , adjusting to this Peace Corps lifestyle ha(s)d its hard moments however, there is beauty and strength that arises from not always being in control of things. I am not submitting the idea that its an easy transition, or an enjoyable one; rather I am saying it is one that shows your true character and causes you to pause and think about you, your reactions and your actions.
2. Learning a new Culture
• Being immersed in a new culture where you live with families is something beautiful and stressful. If you are a highly independent person this can cause you to feel stressed and annoyed sometimes however, those moments get outweighed by family gatherings, correctly done cultural moments, feeling included and many other things. Don't be dismayed if even a year and some change in you still commit cultural faux-pas because everything is a learning experience, Right? I say that to say, no matter how long or how much you think you know, unless born into these societies there will always be something to learn, and something new to experience. Just go along for the ride and ask for lots of forgiveness
3.  Becoming comfortable with standing out
• This point is something which I am still dealing with. As a minority in this country, I receive a lot of attention, especially unwanted attention. When I first started my service, everyday was a battle ground of emotions - majority negative- when it came to how people received and perceived me in this country. I am and have learned that the only thing I can control is my response and how I do or do not allow these people to effect my personal peace and sanity. Not everyone means it in a malicious manner, I have encountered those who have meant it that way, but most intent boils down to curiosity or ignorance. Curiosity can stem from my complexion, my hair, (as I have been told) my beauty, my gender, nationality and a variety of other factors. Other times it has been from the idea of what is portrayed on television is taken as fact/truth and I must react accordingly. It is hard to be perceived and defined and received by such a skewed outlook but that is part of the reason I decided to join the Peace Corps (though I didn't realize just how hard the role of "change agent" would be).
4. Lack of Understanding
• This extends beyond just HCN (host country national) to PCV (Peace Corps Volunteer). This includes staff, volunteers, friends and family stateside and so many people in-between. Lack of understanding goes for expressions, responses, culture, food, people, actions etc. The nuances which define each person individually and in the larger social/cultural context. You have to be willing to put biases, prejudices, rejections to the side to continuously strive for understanding and tolerance.
5. Being Open
• Personally, I still deal with this growth point because I, for some time during my service, had developed a shell towards the people in my host country because of the reception I received, I no longer wanted to be hurt or feel uncomfortable, so I developed a demeanor and standard reactions/practices to counter what I was experiencing. I am currently working on reworking those actions and being more open because I do not want the actions of the few to define the many. It is a lot harder than it sounds, and demands an active mental, physical and emotional consciousness to counteract my pre-programmed response. Doing this "revamp" (which can in part be attributed to the ICD&I conference I attended -  here is the link for that post) helped me to realize that I needed to make that change and be open to my community again.

Accomplishments

1. Learning a new language
•  I think I have said this before, but let me say it again - ALBANIAN IS HARD/DIFFICULT/ANNOYING/ is a Culturally Entrenched Language. I still feel like I am fighting an uphill battle, with moments of clarity and great talking and other times I forget the basics. IT happens! To everyone, but I can navigate within a foreign language and country. Ashley, you're a #boss
2. PenPals
• When asked what was the highlight of school for me, besides finishing the school year (1 week and 3 days left!) I would say successfully facilitating a pen-pal exchange with my seventh graders and Girl Scouts in America. The joy letters and Girl Scout cookies bring is amazing, and the fact that I was able to be the common thread between two cultures, people and traditions is an amazing accomplishment. Lets be honest though, Girl Scout cookies = LIFE! so its not hard to see how that was a happy moment.
3. Exposure
• The hardest part of my service, but also the most rewarding. When you can change someones outlook on a group of people by just existing (GASP! I know it happens though) is such a beautiful thing and feeling, though also makes you aware of just how much work is left to create equity and equality in our world.
4. Diversity training
• Having the honor to attend the diversity training helped me not only in my outlook of my service, but I know assisted staff and other volunteers in learning how to deal with a variety of differences and issues in country.
5. PSN Member
• PSN is a volunteer support network run by volunteers to help assist each other through the ins and outs of our Peace Corps service. 
6. Finding happy Moments 
• A long overdue laugh, a hug, attending a powerful event, being invited somewhere. All of these things, though seemingly minuscule, can really have the most positive of effects on a volunteers outlook and mood. So making and being actively involved in these happy moments make life as a PCV that much more enjoyable.
7. Surviving
• I survived winter, summer, spring and fall in Kosovo! Through ups, downs and round-a-bouts WE (family, friends, supports, volunteers and staff) have made it a year together. So cheers to approximately 12 months down and 14 more months of the continuous growing experience that is my Peace Corps Service. Also thank you to everyone supporting me from home, those known and unknown and for reading my blog! Hope you get just a taste and are enjoying all the winding road with me.

Gezuar!

 - Ashley <3 

"It's not about what I can get, it's about what I can give." - Marie Forleo

Another Training?

About a month ago I was asked by PC Staff if I wanted to attend a training on diversity and I accepted. I had no information on what to expect besides it will be in Pristina and take a whole day. So when the day came I was excited to see what exactly would be the topics of discussion and how those discussion were going to be facilitated. The Intercultural Competence, Diversity & Inclusion (ICD&I) Training was given by facilitated by two Peace Corps Staff members from Washington, and I couldn't have even expected what had occurred after. 

We arrived to the hotel the day before our training, so we could meet the facilitators and get to know them a little. Both facilitators are Returned Peace Corps Volunteers (RPCVs) and seemed really interested in getting to know who we were and where we stood as currently serving volunteers. The day of the training we began with a slideshow, simply outlining what they did as PC HQ Staff and what the purpose of their work was. We began with an activity describing the difference between equity and equality; the difference being quality is that all people get the same thing (not necessarily comfortable or fitting) and equity is getting the same thing but it is comfortable and effective. The activity was switching shoes of participants to show the differences. We also learned participated in activities where we identified pictures that defined our values and self descriptors, an activity called freeze and also a conversation activity where we talked about single stories and things which made us uncomfortable. in addition to activities our sessions included watching a TedTalk by Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche, and discussing topics such as approaching differences, how to properly identify culture differences (i.e. Power distance, context culture, communication etc.)

Throughout all of these sessions and activities there were shifts in the feeling of the room. We were really able to be vulnerable with each other and realize that everyone is fighting a battle, rather it appears physically or not. Because the room involved volunteers from a variety of minority groups, LGBT, Racial and religious differences, it allowed us to get different perspectives, and have some uncomfortable conversations. I want to applaud Peace Corps for creating this initiative and allowing volunteers and staff to come together and learn how to better addresss the needs and wants of a variety of volunteers, rather than just one specific type of volunteer. Not only does it assist volunteers, but it helps to allow staff to recognize their own prejudices etc. 

One effect of our training, for me, was  being left with an influx of emotions that I hadn't dealt with up to that point, or even realized that I was experiencing. I discussed my emotions, problems, and solutions with staff and I could see how they could also identify better with me after their diversity training, which was awesome!. 

I really enjoyed having the opportunity to learn, grow and experience with my fellow volunteers. Attending the training also helped me to understand how our various experiences in various communities affects each volunteer adn our outlooks. Most importantly1 Week and 3 days until my 1 year anniversary of arriving in country! We are getting there!

Don't sleep on yours (life) because there's beauty in the struggle - J. Cole

Cka ka te re?

 

C'ka ka te ri, is a phrase asking what's new with you? Such a phrase here in Kosovo is typically met with hitch/asgje which means nothing. Well, I am proud to say something HAS been up, and that something is In-Service language training i.e. Albanian.... (cue the dun dun duns) Language IST is a way for Peace Corps to help refresh your Albanian language, as well as try to fine tune and provide new information to assist with grant terminology. So I received an e-mail informing me of the sessions and information needed but was taken aback when reading the disclaimer that sessions will be only in Albanian. Now I started to freak out! I am far from the most confident Albanian speaker, and typically sound like a child when speaking (think grammatical errors and the lovely uh, uh, uhs) so this was not comforting to me. As I arrived in Peja with about 9 other cohorts (we had trainings in different areas around the country to focus on smaller groups - thanks PC for that consideration) I figured I would just take the bull by the horn and take my language instruction as is and if its a fluke, so be it - Hey I gave it a try. To my surprise, lessons were understood, I got the gist of information provided and even caught on to some jokes - take THAT Albanian. Now let's not get hasty, there were moments filled with "Watchu say Willis?" and the lovely "brain check out" but they were far between and I exceeded my original expectations. Looking back on the training I had to give myself a break. Albanian is a difficult language, but I am conquering it, enjoying the process and constantly trying .... (OK usually trying - its tiring to think and talk constantly in this language)! Most credit has to go to my tutor, who has helped me learn my language learning style, laughed with me through my blunders but most importantly made me feel like it is possible - and gaining a friend in the process hasn't hurt. So with that aside, training was cool, and now I only have two weeks until Spring Break!

Also, in "New News", we had teacher's day last week and it was an interesting thing to see my students put on performances and display their various talents. After the performances, my director gave a short speech and distributed flowers, and I even got one! It was so sweet I thought I was misunderstanding when I heard my name called and the kids broke into thunderous applause (literally) and I was really honored they gave me flowers. It was a sweet gesture!

Lastly, I guess other new news is it is OFFICIALLY summer vacation planning time! Awesome because my lineup is pretty much finished, and it is panning out to be a fun, busy and passport stamp filled summer! This isn't even including the trainings I hope to participate in with the new group of volunteers who will be here in less than 3 short months! I can't believe our 1 year in country anniversary mark is approaching! It goes to show you, time flies when you're having fun, or at least teaching haha! Enjoy your weekend and I would love feedback on topics readers would like to hear about!

Tung!
~Ashley

Gezuar Vit i Ri/Prost Neujahr/ Happy New Year!

     Happy New Year! It has been a long year and we are now set to begin school tomorrow after 2 weeks of Winter Break. Winter break was amazing fun - I finally got my travel clearance (No more probation!) and went on a 3 country tour in 2 weeks! The last week of school was your typical school week before break, inattentive students and worn out teachers. The last day school was unexpectedly shortened {School was done around oh 11 something in the morning and I wasn't aware, I started at 12:20) and my activity and snacks for my kids was cancelled (typical Kosovo). So I started off break sick (thanks to my hacking students - I still love them though - and prepared for a mini European tour. I started off break in Skopje, Macedonia with another volunteer just enjoying some free time, shopping and change in diet (Yay Mexican and Chinese!). We saw lots of gorgeous sites and ate to our hearts content.

Nativity at the church

Mother Teresa Chapel in Memorial House

Mother Teresa Memorial House

View from on the Stone Bridge

 

Kale Fortress

Looking from the fortress

Skopje atop the fortress

City Center of Skopje

     After three days of non-pre planned travel and friend time, I headed to Vienna, Austria to meet my parents and show them around my "2nd home" as their personal tour guide in their first European adventure! We visited Bratislava, Slovakia and Salzburg, Austria in addition to Vienna. We were nonstop pretty much the entirety of their trip but it was so worth it! We decided to get the 2-day Vienna pass which was definitely worth the price because we saw about 8-10 museums and attractions during our 2 day use of it (some of which weren't worth the money - but that's my personal opinion). Additionally we toured the Heindl Chocolate factory where we got to taste some new chocolate treats and I found a new favorite chocolate candy - too bad its in Austria - but it was definitely worth the 10 euro price. We ate so much and I even got to try Persian food with a new friend I met while in Vienna. We celebrated New Years Eve and Day in Vienna, on NYE they had 2 or 3 different locations around the city where they were doing DJs and fireworks, we didn't stay for the fireworks there, but we did watch them from out hotel roof with the staff members.
     During our time in Bratislava, we saw the Fortress, various churches, took in the sights and sounds of children enjoying their break skating while their parents enjoyed a glass of hot wine (one of my new favorites by the way) and lots of walking. In Salzburg, I got a chance to show my parents my first "home-away-from-home" and show them locations I used to live, frequent and some interesting sights. Salzburg has changed so much in the 5 years I have been away, but it still retains that charming town feel that I grew to love! We also had the 78 euro lunch experience at Nordsee (we walked out - no one should pay that much for lunch LOL) and ended up eating at the Italian restaurant near my old dorm. We attempted to go to Augustinerbrau - the brewery in Salzburg - where I first experienced beer - but it was closed :( . All in all it was a great trip and a great "refresher" though I am no where near refreshed, and more like re-exhausted hahaha. Below are our pictures from Vienna, Bratislava and Salzburg. Happy Travels everyone and Happy New Year!

In front of the Puppet store in Bratislava

Parents 

Bratislava streets

The Fortress in Bratislava

St. Stephens Cathedral in Vienna

Heindl Museum

Apfelstrudel show at Schonbrunn Palace

Enjoying Hotwine at Schonbrunn

Inside St. Peters Church (I think) in Vienna

Prater Amusement Park

Salzburg Train Station

Parade in Salzburg

Salzburg Fortress from below

Parade end on Linzergasse in Salzburg

Giant pretzel stand in Salzburg

Hajde ne Shkolle! (Come on to School!)

It has been a hectic couple of weeks here in Kosovo and they're only going to get busier (Hello holiday and idea season). All the volunteers are being productive and we are doing great things in this evolving country. I have been wanting to do a new post, and have had a variety of ideas but decided to focus on my experience thus far in the Kosovar School System.
     Going into my 2nd month of school there are so many differences that I see in my local community's school than I experienced back in the states. For one the school day. In my village we only have one schedule - 40 minute classes beginning at 8:50am and ending at 1:50pm (but it is usually more like 1:45pm). Most other schools usually have a morning and an afternoon shift because there isn't enough room for all the kids to attend at the same time (each class already usually houses anywhere from 25-35 students in my experience). The schools do not have a cafeteria in them, everyone eats at home, and there is a small market close to the school for the students to grab a snack during their 15 minute break halfway through the school day. There is no front office, students, teachers, parents, all go in and out freely, without much, if any, supervision. It is a much more relaxed setup than in 'The States. I have experienced students leaving their 2nd period in order to go "have a girls day" in the nearby town, walking into an empty classroom because students decided they wanted to visit a sick friend during the school day and great future lawyers who will try to bargain with a teacher to give them a 5 (an A) and they will participate more, otherwise they won't and will take the 4 (insert side-eye). These of course are just some of the most drastic things I have dealt with. For the most part the students are similar to the U.S. - the younger they are, the more enthusiastic haha! When it comes to respect students refer to their teachers as "Teacher/Mesues/Arsimtare". You won't find a Mr. so and so or Mrs./Ms. anywhere. Anytime an adult enters the room or opens a door, or a student is picked to speak you will see young bodies standing to greet and speak. Personally, I still tell my students to sit down as soon as I get in the room - it weirds me out seeing them standing for me, almost like I am the Commander-in-Chief or something HAHA! So one random fact that was told to me by a few teachers in Kosovo, they think the USA has 52 states, like the books even say so (insert big eyed emoji here) so I spent one free period going through my geography teachers book in my school to see if I could help if there were any "typos" which I didn't find - yet. When it comes to English, a lot of students \have difficulty because of the teaching style, so I  and my counterpart have taken a different approach to what the norm was for our students. As of right now, Jeopardy is a HUGHE hit and so is Pictionary. My biggest struggle is that after school all students just go home. There aren't any after school programs in my village for them to continue to foster their relationships and grow new skill sets etc.
     The school system here, in my village, we do not have starter schools (think Pre-K and Nursery). The students start at Kindergarten or 1st grade, and stay with the same group of students their entire primary career (for example whoever is in your homeroom is who you have every class with for the next 10 years in that school). Also, students do not change classrooms, teachers do - so much for worrying about classroom decorations ha!. Also there aren't any Special education, honors or advanced classes in the Primary school. This was something that showed me just how hard it is to be a teacher here because if you are a student here you can easily be left behind or bored if you have a learning issue or get bored in class because the coursework is too easy. Working with multi-level classrooms is very interesting and stressful at the same time and you often wonder how much students really understand and retain throughout the day.
   I would love to continue this post but that is all I can think of for now, it is late in Kosovo and I have a full day at work tomorrow, until next time Naten e Mire!

Eurocreme*

*DISCLAIMER* These views are MY OWN, as I have experienced them personally and am sharing my perspectives and experiences.

I have written a whole post and realized I needed to start over. When I write my blog I usually just let it flow, but I really want this to come out the right way and to be a point of conversation - if you feel it necessary - and to just enlighten. So let me begin again by starting with this. I love being a Black Woman. (yup, we are going "There" in this post, so if you are (already) uncomfortable you can "leave" here.... {Buh-bye stop by my next post though ;) }

For those that stayed, Thank you!

When I applied and accepted my invitation for the Peace Corps I knew that my ethnicity would be an "issue" or topic of discussion. However I did not realize that it would make me feel as if my entire service is a direct result of it. My first evening in country I was called a Nigger. Yup, just like that. Actually no, what exactly was said to me was "I love Nigger". I had prepped myself that the possibility may occur but not on my first evening in country. When I heard the statement, I didn't hear the "I love" phrase said to me, I heard NIGGER! I literally stopped in my tracks and it felt like every one of my ancestors who live within me cried out from the pain and humiliation they endured to progress for me. I then felt like someone punched me in the face with brass knuckles. My heart literally ached, my mind was racing everywhere, what had I done, I was walking down the street laughing with friends, did I offend someone, was it because they said it "for fun", was it a source of entertainment? This plus other things (insert mental flashes - literally- of Mammy, blackface and jezebel images going through my mind) tormented me everytime I was in that city, and still do. Knowing that I am fair game to be talked and gossiped about, seen as a circus animal or source of entertainment and to just be talked about, makes me want to crawl into a little hole for the next two years at times. Add on the fact that I have natural hair which provides people even more "excuses" to point and laugh and talk about me, its just like Oh, great! Even in family settings I have been talked about by host family members who sat directly next to me laughing, whispering and pointing to my face, my hair, ME. Sounds about maddening doesn't it. To deal with this, along with stares, being followed in stores and every time you go somewhere. That people feel it necessary, and don't see a problem with, yelling things at me and making noises as I walk down the street. So why? Why deal with such things. Well for one, despite how uncomfortable I may feel, I may in some small way be breaking down a barrier(s). I expose people to something other than themselves. I get to teach about my history as a Black-American and my experience (that's a new thing considering we live in a post-racial society and no one thinks we have a race problem.. OK). People want to know EVERYTHING, and they don't always know what we consider "basic knowledge". For example, I taught my host cousin about Nelson Mandela. THE Nelson Mandela, she had never heard of him. We watched a movie on him and I gave background, and at the end was told, this was one of the best movies ever seen, that he was a great man. BREAKTHROUGH. I get to show the cultural diversity within America, that no I don't have to be from Africa to be black. I also get to see the effects of my culture abroad. I get to experience and see first hand perceptions that are held by the outside consumers of American culture.

It is interesting how many in Kosovo pride themselves on the fact that Kosovo is so inclusive and enjoys a multi-ethnic, multi-religious society. Yet I have some of the same experiences as Roma or darker men, women and children in Kosovo. We are marginalized, and though I am an American and that does have some benefit, I do not get the same respect as my fellow volunteers because of my skin. For example during a discussion with a Host country national I was told I was never called the "N" word here and must have been mistaken because Americans are held in high-esteem in Kosovo. That I was never followed in a store because someone thought I was going to steal something, they were just curious, however I was with 7 other Americans and none of them were followed or had anyone "tend" to them while shopping. Racism is still alive and well in Europe and many other places around the world. People just believe, because they have very homogenized societies, that they are inclusive and accepting because of "religious tolerance" which still isn't true because you are separated into communities, areas and those who are marginalized do their best to "stay away" from the majority of society. How people think it is a problem when you, a stranger, walks up to me asking to take a picture (if they even ask) and get an attitude when I respond "No." My blackness does not provide you the opportunity to treat me like your local circus attraction. My blackness doesn't mean that I am any less intelligent or mentally capable to understand and do things. My blackness DOES allow for me to be a strong, motivated, giving and appreciative human being who is aware of the disparities in the world to those with more melanin and say, I want to do something that facilitates awareness and promotes diversity in the face of all the negativity and ignorance that will be a reaction to my action. I want to be here, and I want to share my stories, facilitate cultural exchange, but sometimes people here make it really hard! But at the end of the day, just my presence makes a difference. I am so lucky for that. So I will continue to walk with my kinky hair, melanin-on-fleek (I said it), one of the tallest people on the street head held high, and allow just my presence to be a change agent. I hope there comes a point when people will understand that its rude and ignorant to treat people as a side show attraction, but if not, I will be here to help with the process because the only thing more constant than change, is change!

*Eurocreme is one of the many terms used to describe someone of color: Eurocreme is the chocolate filling put in a croissant by the way.

But Why Travel?...

Almost a month at site, I can not believe it! I have a few things on my mind/heart to blog about but I will start with this one and hopefully get to the others at sometime this week.

(Oh and make sure you click on the hyperlinks, I think you will gain more understanding)

When I was preparing to start my Peace Corps Service and still back in the US, one of the most common questions I would receive was "Why can't you stay in the states and do the same thing?" It seemed to me that everyone was scared for me to be abroad, or just lacked the understanding of why I had to do this MY way. Most suggested I just stay in the US and do AmeriCorps, now this isn't to discredit AmeriCorps in anyway, but why stay in my comfort zone; why should I stifle myself and my ambitions to suit the "needs" or wants of others? I've been quiet independent and have always been slightly "against the grain", so going abroad just made sense personally. I say that to get to this point. When I came to Kosovo there were many things I was naïve towards and travel was one of them. I know you are asking how can one be naïve to traveling, but here is how. Kosovo is the newest state in Europe, the second newest country in the world! The route to independence for this tiny country (approximately the size of Delaware - if I previously said Connecticut that's traveling size via public transport) has been very rocky and filled with controversy and a political tug of war. Though many have recognized Kosovo's sovereignty, many states have not (cue in Russia and Serbia, to name two, hence the tug of war) and that has created a sort of dichotomy for Kosovo. It is basically a semi state. In terms of passport acceptance it is limited to the surrounding area essentially (Montenegro, Macedonia, Serbia and Good Ol' Albania {cues Kuq e Zi}). Traveling to western nations such as Germany, Switzerland or even the US is extremely difficult and visas are hard to come by. So here I am a lucky American Girl who has the world as her oyster and can travel at will, yet the majority of people I have talked to here haven't even traveled around within country, yet alone TRY to travel internationally. ( you can gasp now). I know way too many people who are American and refuse to leave their little state and it annoys me to the moon and back. Now I am in Kosovo and people only dream of going to visit a loved one in Germany or even Italy but because of visas and other barriers (you need to have a job - hard with 30% unemployment- be in school, have a sponsor - I think - amongst other qualifications) can not and that American is back home just squandering their opportunity and talking about their "always bored" (side eye emoji here). They wont even leave their immediate surrounding area and see what else their own STATE has to offer - talk about laziness at its finest (yup I said it!) It is amazing to see that so many host country nationals haven't even been to some of the places I have been to in Kosovo (there are only about  6 major cities in the whole country, and none take more than 4 hours by bus from ANYWHERE in the country) and its cheap (by American standards), approximately 2-5 euros each way to get their via public transport. In Kosovo that is a possibly taxing amount of money to pay for a day trip due to the fact that many families, which usually consist of 5+ people, only have one source of income and that may be as low as 400 euros a month! If it isn't within probably a 20 minute drive, many haven't been, and don't get me started on not even leaving for school! So I treasure even the opportunity to travel within this country because so many do not have the opportunity to do even that! Being here has opened my eyes to so much and I am immensely appreciative for all that I do have, because someone else doesn't have it and dreams of the days and the times when they possibly will.

So yes, before coming to Kosovo I was very naïve, naïve about many things, but being here has broadened my horizons to just how fortunate I am to be an American. Not to say America is in anyway perfect or the best, but when I look at that ever growing list of places to go and I don't have to second guess being able to visit, for that I will forever be grateful. Children don't get to choose their lifestyle, but they can choose their path, and expanding the minds of children here to the opportunities that ARE afforded to them is a blessing in itself... So until my next rant-oops blog.. Appreciate it all, and embrace even the bad because your bad is someone else's daydream...

So travel far now ya' hear!
- Ashley

First Observations

     In light of some recent observations we had to complete as part of training I figured I would share some cultural differences I have begun to identify and things we have discovered.

Gender Roles/Responsibilities:
     There seem to be, at least in my current PST Site (I can not speak on my next site as of yet because the culture within Kosova is so different depending on where in the country you are), a firm set of roles and responsibilities for each gender. Men tend to be providers. They are economically responsible for the families well being and growth. In light of the unemployment faced here by many young men in Kosova, many families tend to be co-dependent and brothers/siblings will help each others family if they are facing difficulties. Women are the care-takers and homemakers. Older women tend to stay home, tend to children and raise them in a respectable manner. Some women do work, but there are limited opportunities in the country right now. Both males and females go to University, with English being a popular major among the youth and the potential opportunities associated with that degree/skill.
     Men have the ability to be seen more in public. They frequent the cafe's and other establishments, some of which are "Male-only''. Even some cafe's are male only; it is definitely an interesting thing to look at, considering the café in my town, while not Male-only, you wont find any women there besides myself and two other female volunteers. Women more so stay in house except for their nightly group walks. They visit house to house and aren't typically seen outside, especially alone.

Dating:
      When I asked different people about dating here, it was made clear it is unlike the US where we date around to find likes, dislikes, or just for fun. Here you date with the intent of marrying. That is not to say casual dating is non-existent, I just have not come across it personally. Those that are unmarried, tend to stay in the families home and assist the matriarch in household duties (if female) Males tend to work if they have a job and contribute to providing for the family. Additionally, dating is not done overtly. It is usually secretive and more so for women than men. Here a women's name still has a lot of weight and those who may be deemed promiscuous are not seen favorably for marriage. The "PDA" typical of American society is not prevalent here. Hand holding is pretty much the most you will see in public, but even in private their isn't much of the "lovey-dovey" interaction between, those dating and those in marriages. The interesting note on the previous remark is that men are very much affectionate with each other here, and to an American man may put him off, but the hugs and thigh grabs here are very much acceptable amongst men. I was a little thrown off when I was told it is also the norm for women here to be married before 21 and that is typical. It is also commonplace for parents to reject a marriage and have women choose between their family and their spouse, where if they choose the latter their familial ties with whichever dissenting parties are cut. Additionally, women who may leave their husbands for whatever reason are considered/called widowed and it is more acceptable for them to marry someone previously married rather than someone who has not been married before.

Social Interactions:
     In social interactions the genders are still fairly separated. Women go to the restaurant or café with other females unless they are with family members. When my fellow trainees and I go to the café, we are mixed males and females, which is not typical here and then add in our loud American accents and the people of Kosova are staring interested in the current "American show" taking place- hahaha! I recently went to a disco here and even that was different from the US. There was virtually no dancing except for my host sister, cousin and I and even then we two-stepped all night. There was no dancing between men and women (from what I saw) and if there was dancing it was a side to side sway on the part of women. The men tended to look around, watch the ladies and interact amongst themselves. Even when men may find you attractive their isn't any of the hand grabbing or touching of a female as is typical in the US. Here you may get a wow, or bukerie (beautiful) thrown into the air but that's typically the end of it. (insert gasps from women across the US here lol)

These are just some observations/experiences I have had/seen specifically. This should not be considered to be commonplace in all of Kosovo, but it is what I have observed in my current area.