Celebrating Eid

Hello from the OTHER SIDE - no just kidding, but I am about 2 weeks from COS'ing and things have been busier than I expected, which caused me to (once again) become lax in my blogging. Despite circumstances and excuses and though it has been about a MONTH (yikes), I wanted to do a blog to celebrate the holy month of Ramadan and the festival of Eid. With that being said, I want to share the views and words of MY Muslim friends and family. I ask you to be respectful and open minded in hearing their responses. For those unable to do such, I ask that you do not continue reading and refer back to the next forthcoming post. Thank you.

The following questions are being answered by each respondent and I hope it is an enlightening read for all: 

1.  What does it mean to you to be a Muslim man/woman?
2. Why do you choose to cover /not cover yourself (women only)What are your beliefs on modesty for women and men's role in the faith. (Men)

3. Which misconception about being Muslim annoys you most and why?

4. How does the holy month of Ramadan influence your faith

5. What is your favorite part/ aspect of your faith?

6. What do you want people to understand about your religion and it's followers?

Female A.

1, what does it mean to you to be a Muslim man/woman?

It means everything to me.  I feel like Allah overlooked my past and choose me to be a better person.  I feel empowered as a woman through the Quran and finally understand my worth and purpose in life.

2. Why do you choose to cover /not cover yourself (women only)

I chose to cover myself based on my understanding from the Quran.  Not all agree that woman are commanded to cover and I respect that, but I personally believe covering myself has brought me nothing but allowing the person I am to shine through.  

3. Which misconception about being Muslim annoys you most and why?

It saddens me that often upon meeting me I am stereotyped as a weak woman who blindly follows an ancient religion.  Thank God, it only takes a few moments of talking to me for people to realize that is not the case.

4. How does the holy month of Ramadan influence your faith

Ramadan means everything to me.  I spend all year praying I make it to see another Ramadan.  It is a time to reevaluate myself as a person and the importance of Islam in my life as I physically and mentally cleanse.  Each Ramadan has done nothing but offered me beautiful self introspection and the opportunity to better myself.

5. What is your favorite part/ aspect of your faith?

My favorite aspect is that there is always hope.  No matter what I can turn to Allah for forgiveness and guidance. It's never ending as long as I keep asking.

6. What do you want people to understand about your religion and it's followers?

We have good hearts.  We mean well. We are human too.  We make mistakes. Forgive us.

Female B.

1, what does it mean to you to be a Musliman/woman?
This one's complex. It depends on the person. To me, it means following in the Prophet Muhammed's footsteps of humility, guidance, peace, and equity. It means being open to all religions, people's, and faiths. It means looking at things from different angles, and not having a 1 sided story. It means being free from a materialistic world and letting one's soul soar free.

2. Why do you choose to cover /not cover yourself (women only)
I choose to cover because it is my identity. As someone who was bullied throughout most of my school years, I decided, on my own, to start wearing the headscarf in the 10th grade. To me, it was a stand to all my past bullies. That yes, in the past I used to hide who I am, and yes I used hide where I came from, but putting on the headscarf was a stand that I'm finally not afraid to show who I am.

3. Which misconception about being Muslim annoys you most and why?
That Muslim women in Islam are oppressed. We are not. Look at me. I am a practicing Muslim woman, in the Peace Corps. My family (who's somewhat religious) fully supports my decisions in life, I am not involved in an arranged marriage, and I make all of my own life choices. From wearing the scarf to deciding on the job I want, I was not forced to choose anything.

4. How does the holy month of Ramadan influence your faith
I love Ramadan. To me, it's like Christmas; it's the most wonderful time of the year. It's a restart button and a chance to re-look at life. Ramadan, to me, is about love. Love for my faith, love for my family, and love for my friends. It's a month that reminds me of how fortunate I am to be alive, to be healthy, and to be lucky enough to follow my dreams. Ramadan is a reminder that this is how I should be, not only during the special month, but throughout my life.

5. What is your favorite part/ aspect of your faith?
The fact that it tackles all aspects of life. If I'm confused, hurt, lost, all I need to do is turn to my faith for guidance.

6. What do you want people to understand about your religion and it's followers?
We are not terrorists. This might sound cliche, but we really aren't. As a Muslim PC volunteer, it saddens me that after serving 2 years for my nation, I won't be welcomed home with open arms. I might face being detained at the airport and I might even have to face daily racism in my life. Muslims are not bad people. Just like every religion, we have our good and bad folk. Most of us are good. Most of us live normal day to day lives, and we want nothing to do with those that claim to kill in the name of our faith. Muslims are just like you.

Female C.

1. .I'm very happy that i was born as a Muslim. As a woman, it is a privilege too. Based on Quran woman and man are equal, the Quran respects and arouse the value of the woman.

2. Wearing the hiijab, its part of muslims' world and tradition, it is a rule ofIislam. But I personally, and Kosovo as a society practice a kind of Islam, which can easily be called Modern Islam, which is pretty modified. My mom is not covered, neither me, because I didn't grow up knowing that I 'must' cover my head and body. In a word i'm not covered because i didnt want to. Otherwise we cover our heads and our body while we pray.

3. If you tell people that you're Muslim, they will be prejudiced and will try to avoid contact with you. As we know because of Islamic terrorists. But being a Muslim doesn't mean that you are a terrorist. Terrorists aren't good Muslims. And this thing annoys me a lot, because people shouldn't believe everything and they shouldn't judge all Muslims in the same way.

4. The holy month of Ramadan is kind of refreshing for every year. This holy month helps us to reflect, to think clearly, to help people, to know the value of our life and wealth. In this month we practice praying more than usual and it keeps us more connected to religion. So for me it has a positive effect. In this month we feel God closer to us.

5. I love Islam because is a peaceful religion.

6. Islam is a peaceful religion, is not how people describe it. It doesn't isolate you, it helps you to be in peace with your self and your people it and Muslim people are not terrorists. They are good people and generous.

Female D.

1. Due to the fact that Islam means Peace , I am very glad that I belong to this religion. I really can find the peace within myself, living by Islamic rules it gives me a great satisfaction and never losing hope for plans that our Creator has planned for us.
2. Unfortunately, in our town the hijab is not allowed in public places and this is a disturbance for not covering ourselves.
3.Well, the 'terrorist' thing it is not related to Islam and some people have a misconception for this.
4. During the Ramadan, you are more peaceful, you make more good deeds, strengthen your belief and you are more prosperous.
5.Praying.
6. People should know that Islam is about peace and doing good deeds, being more related to God. Islam has nothing to do with terrorism and killing innocent people. Our prophet peace and blessings be upon him, was a great man, he only taught us on doing good deeds and living according to Islamic rules.

In addition to my Female friends and family, I wanted to get a male's perspective on his religion and what that means. Below are his responses.

Male

1. Being a Muslim to me means accepting that there are questions that I cannot answer, concepts greater than myself, and submitting myself to a higher power on a journey of understanding.
2. What’s interesting and what many people—including Muslims—fail to understand about the Islamic concept of hijab is that it does not refer to a head covering and does not only apply to women. The conditions of hijab actually start with thoughts and actions before extending to dress and starts with men before extending to women. In the Qur’an, it states that hijab begins with the responsibility of men to lower their gaze and guard their own modesty—modesty referring to their actions and speech as well as their dress. Only after addressing men are women addressed. A head scarf is only a small aspect of hijab.
3. People having no clue what sharia means but talking about it nonetheless.
4. Ramadan is a chance to humble myself and feed my spiritual being while mastering my physical being. It is the month of Qur’an where I rediscover the miracle of revelation.
5. My favorite aspect of Islam is the personal, direct relationship Muslims have with Allah. There is no hierarchy in Islam based on gender, race, nationality, wealth, or other such factors.

6. I want people to know that you cannot understand Islam without knowing a Muslim. Islam is a personal journey and personal relationship with Allah. Everyone’s journey is unique. Get to know Islam through the Muslims in your community and not through your computer and television.

These amazing souls have been in my life for 2 years. I have learned with and through them various aspects of self and other. I have learned more about their and my own religious identity. Like any other religion, Christianity, Judaism etc, Islam has many sects and different interpretations. At the end of the day, the resounding sentiment is this is a religion filled with people who wish nothing but peace, self awareness, positivity and understanding among themselves and others - PEACE being the main objective. I have been blessed and empowered to commune with these souls and gain a wealth of knowledge from them personally and their religion. So thank you to everyone who submitted their answers, thank you for trusting me in portraying your views and submitting them to the world, thank you for sharing with me and being part of me, as well as sharing in my experience. Additionally, to the Muslims around the world, an (extremely) late Happy Eid and Inshallah you will make it to the next and be further connected in your faith and purpose.

Peace and Blessings

- Ashley

Ashley, Please Stop Crying.

     

"Ashley, You're strong - Don't cry." These are the words one of my colleagues said to me while I stood in the middle of a classroom with about 20 students in front of me and 2 more colleagues off to the side. "I know" I responded; I said I wasn't going to cry...

     

     How do I put into words what the (approximate) 582 days with my "kids" have been like. Its been a rollercoaster. Extreme bouts of happiness, joy, sadness, defeat, uncertainty, excitement and appreciation in addition to indescribable emotions have been felt these past 2 years at site. I came into this situation with some teaching practice behind me in various capacities, yet nothing prepared me for the experience that I was about to embark on when I walked into school on September 1, 2015. However, even the brief moment of reflection from that moment, that I had when I walked into school on September 5, 2016 was drastically different. I knew my kids, I had a rhythm, my counterpart was amazing and I had the last year to grown from. Even with all the reflection and being present, nothing prepared me for June 23, 2017. 

     Personally, and honestly, I have had lots of personal uncertainty during my Peace Corps experience. "Was I meant to be here, was I being appreciated, was I making a positive impact, am I strong enough to endure this"? - were all questions that produced themselves throughout my service. Yet something kept me here. Through being simultaneously annoyed, mentally checked out at times and frustrated with the happenings of my Peace Corps life I remained dedicated and persistent in my task. It didn't take me long to realize why. My kids! My students. They were (so weird to put it in past tense) my driving force throughout my service. The smiles, hugs, those invisible lightbulbs when they actually understood something, the laughter - usually at me and my silliness, their questions and enthusiasm just to see and say hello to me. They were and are my why. 

I came to Peace Corps for my students. For those that would follow me home just to have a small conversation, or just to say they were (awkwardly) in my presence {You walk 10 ins home with up to 10 3-8 graders behind you just following you pa fjalet - without words- and you tell me how YOU feel}. 

For those students who never really believed in their English abilities, but now understand me when I speak and they can respond in a confident manner. The students who are just excited to get a "Hello.../ Good Morning/ see you tomorrow etc". Now don't be confused, this is not some rant to glorify myself and say how awesome I am. Far from it. I just realized and am accepting the role I played in helping another generation. Two years of misunderstanding and tears; laughter and high-fives and the occasional hug is what got me here. 

     So rewind it back to the last week of school. We were able to celebrate our School Day - which is a tradition of celebrating the schools founding date throughout schools in Kosovo- on June 20. Usually there is dancing, a short program and special guests. That day I saw the smiles of my students and how they just enjoyed and celebrated where they are. That moment truly touched me. Looking from the upstairs window, out into the courtyard while 200+ students danced, sang, took pictures, smiled and just enjoyed the place they are being educationally reared. No words can describe that feeling and the energy that pulsated throughout the school that day. Now, fast forward to Friday, I had been planning on doing something for the kids and I settled on letters- letting them know my hopes and dreams for them, as well as how much they impacted me in my time here, I felt was the best "gift" I could give them. The day finally came to distribute the letters and I don't know if the kids really understood what work went into the letters, or why - to me- they were so important. So I handed out the letters, let the kids talk with me and we took pictures.

 Then the time came for me to go and I gave each one who came a "final hug" and about half way through I just start crying. I wasn't expecting to. Yet two years of laughter, yelling and/or screaming, proud moments, high fives, awkward pauses, lack of understanding and so much more led me here. To "Good-bye". I wasn't prepared for the flood of emotions and memories which were saturating my thoughts while I battled to "stay present" and enjoy this moment with my kids. Yet, despite my attempt, I just let it go. I allowed the tears to flow. I tried to stop but something in me just said "no." 

Now, Kosovar culture isn't the most emotionally open, and my emotionally in-tune self with my bursts of excitement, or sadness and very evident displays of how I am feeling stick out like a sore thumb. However, to me, it was important for my kids to see my emotions. To know - THEY are the ones that caused this display of emotions for me. They impacted ME. I told them, I said I wouldn't cry, and its not that I am sad, I am just going to miss them. Even that explanation is completely wrong. Even trying, to write this blog causes me to want to delete it all and start from scratch. But words will never be able to effectively describe what these 2 years, five hundred and eighty plus days, emotions, letters and feelings mean. 

When I "imagined" my last day of school, this wasn't what I pictured. It would be fun, maybe some cake, laughs, music and hugs and pictures. It was pretty, it was possible, but it was a dream. You spend up to three months preparing yourself to integrate, learn and be part of a community (communities) but what about when you leave? This is the part they can't adequately prepare you for. Peace Corps does its best to get you ready, trained and culturally aware to serve in your host country; yet they can't prepare you on how to act, respond and experience when it is time to leave. You get a quick de-brief at your close of service, but how do you effectively start to sever ties, and close out relationships? You don't - or at least you can't. You do your best to prepare and then.... Well, then we will just see how it goes. Time for me to start figuring it out myself....

So until the next time, shihemi....

- Ashley

'Cause we're half way there.

There has been SO much going on, I've neglected you lovely readers of mine. I deeply apologize... SO lets start an update shall we?

We had our Mid Service Conference about 3 weeks ago. MSC or MST (country dependent) is when your cohort gathers for a conference on where you are thus far in your service. You have various topics of discussion and ours included:rules and expectations, starting to prepare for our return to America, to a training with our counterparts. Some perspectives I got out of this conference though were about personal growth and impact. As PCV's you tend to get "stuck" or acclimated to your role. The same could be said for one's life in general (after a certain point). You think, "this is what it will be" or "I am not going to change x,y,z because...". We should try to never be in that state of mind. There is always some way to innovate, to change your perspective or your surroundings. The overall idea is to Dream Bigger Than Your Circumstance! Granted this is easier said than done, but stay with me here.... Say for example you have a job. You are nice and cushy in your employment bubble, you have a routine everything is a-ok. But what if you were to pop your bubble, and see your vicinity without that wavy, bubble induced set of eyes; What would you see? Would you be proud of the work you were doing, would you want to do more? That is what you constantly need as a PCV (and as a human). There is always something more for you to do. Someone new you can reach, some connection that you can create that can change yours and others' lives. So I - as should you (this is a gentle nudging) have started to try to step outside of my bubble and do something uncomfortable for myself and to try and stretch myself more in my position.*rant done*

OK; Also we started school - YAY. The first month of school was busy and I was out for portions of it as well because of PC obligations. However, the first few days back, seeing "my kids" and how they had grown and (some) matured during the summer made me feel so excited. I am a bit of a sappy person and seeing them made me so sad because I have become a part of their matriculation in school and this is my last year seeing how they "grow into themselves" and being part of that growth. I have invested in these children and really want the best for them and their futures. I hope I can make a big impact on them this final year and that they know how much I truly do appreciate and value being invited into their lives and being part of their development. *sappy rant done* Also I have some new goals which I really hope will be accomplished - two in particular- so fingers crossed that I can accomplish them and that they will be received well. 

Another birthday abroad. Very simple this year, but filled with love. My kids, friends and family are awesome and definitely gave me the needed boost in love factor :)

This was shorter than expected (maybe I am losing my words - HA!) But hope you all enjoy this beautiful month of October and update you soon!
-Ashley 
 

 

Bajramit i Dyte

     Per Hajr Bajramit! Happy Bajram. The end to the holiest month in the Islamic Calendar, Ramdan, Bajram is a huge fest for Muslims all across the world. This year I am officially at my permanent site and celebrated Eid-al-Fitr with my entire host family. The process of preparing for Bajram begins days earlier with the baking of cakes, buying of treats and a THOROUGH cleaning, washing and preparation of each house for guests.
    This year Bajram was a little different for me because I (attempted to) fast. Now let me add my disclaimer here where I say the INTENT was the whole month of Ramadan, HOWEVER, the inner foodie in me and the fact that I was traveling changed those plans. I did however fast for about 8 days. Add to the fact that for the first 3/4 days my host father would ask me every morning if I was still fasting, to which I replied yes - I assume he thought I wouldn't make it past day one, so I would say that I did pretty darn good :) When fasting the "rules" are no food or drinking during daylight hours, and you can eat and drink from sundown and until before sunrise which ranged everyday from various minutes between 3:10-3:30am. As someone who had never fasted in this manner before, I spent the first 2-3 days drinking small amounts of water throughout the day to ease my body into fasting (at the recommendation of some Muslim friends). After which I complied fully to the rules and abstained from food and drinking during daylight hours. When friends, family and people in my community learned that I was fasting the response was usually the same. First a gasp and people asking "Really, you're fasting? Why?" followed by, pure excitement and encouragement for attempting to experience their culture. I told my students and it was ALL the rage to where the next morning in school my students were THOROUGHLY informed of my decision. When my host grandmother learned I was fasting I was met with lots of hand grabbing, smiles and shume mire's (oh, and the news QUICKLY spread throughout the family and to any bystander of my fasting). Though I only fasted for a week I truly came to appreciate a variety of things and learned some things as well.
     First thing I learned is I have a lot of self restraint. Having to be around people who are eating and drinking while you are not is hard, even harder when you're a self-proclaimed foodie and the smell of Laknire goes wafting through the air, but you enter this kick-ass mental state of blocking out such actions and learning to talk to your body (or at least I did). To my surprise, the first few days were easiest and the longer I fasted the harder it became - NO one warned me of this. You become very aware of your body and you are extremely fatigued while fasting. When Bajram began, school was still in session so I would wake up, go to work come home and nap, depending on the day it was 1.5-3 hours at a time (and you're STILL tired after so it is truly exhausting on your body) then I'd go and socialize with family until it was time for Iftar (the breaking of the fast).
     The second thing I learned is you have to really dive into trying new things to gain appreciation. I remember as a kid when Lent (the holy time for Christians where we prepare for the resurrection of Jesus Christ) would come and I would hate having to choose something to give up. Fast forward to now and I appreciate this time so much more. Fasting made me realize how I want to be a better volunteer, Christian and be a better version of myself. I have recently been on an in-depth self evaluation and doing the fast revealed a variety of things and helped me to delve deeper into myself and my mindset. While doing self evaluation I also reflected on my service and saw opportunities for growth and made realizations as well.
     Third realization is that I have become closer to my Muslim friends and we had discussions about their religion and it gave me a deeper understanding and respect for who they are and what they believe. I have never been one to shy away from learning about religions, but this experience has caused me to be more explorative in my own religion as well as that of others. I wish people would take the time to really see how you can learn and grow from other religions instead of using this difference to segregate and vilify each other. Their is beauty in the differences, as well as the similarities. To group a religion together because you lack understanding or contact creates the environment for ignorant comments, ideas and personifications to occur. So I implore people to do their research, talk to someone and just accept those differences and promote peace. You would be surprised what you learn about them and yourself ;-){Sorry, rant done.}
     The holy month of Ramadan brings together all Muslims to reflect, recenter and rededicate themselves to their faith. Being blessed with the opportunity to share in such an experience has given me more perspectives and respect for this culture. Below are some photos during Bajram from my time with my family and again Happy Bajram to all my Muslim friends!

 Attempting to get my host sis to take a picture with me

 Brunch is served! 

 Family siting around talking, enjoying each others company

 "My girls" and I 

 Family at my Host Aunt's house

 Host mama and my host aunt (#besties)

 Host Mom pressing out the Rollal

Even my host brother helped out, crushing Biscuits! :)

Typical dessert plate served at every house you visit! (from R-L: Rollal {Which I helped make}, Bakllava, mini Rollal without filling and Torta) 

Until Next Time

 - Ashley

Another Training?

About a month ago I was asked by PC Staff if I wanted to attend a training on diversity and I accepted. I had no information on what to expect besides it will be in Pristina and take a whole day. So when the day came I was excited to see what exactly would be the topics of discussion and how those discussion were going to be facilitated. The Intercultural Competence, Diversity & Inclusion (ICD&I) Training was given by facilitated by two Peace Corps Staff members from Washington, and I couldn't have even expected what had occurred after. 

We arrived to the hotel the day before our training, so we could meet the facilitators and get to know them a little. Both facilitators are Returned Peace Corps Volunteers (RPCVs) and seemed really interested in getting to know who we were and where we stood as currently serving volunteers. The day of the training we began with a slideshow, simply outlining what they did as PC HQ Staff and what the purpose of their work was. We began with an activity describing the difference between equity and equality; the difference being quality is that all people get the same thing (not necessarily comfortable or fitting) and equity is getting the same thing but it is comfortable and effective. The activity was switching shoes of participants to show the differences. We also learned participated in activities where we identified pictures that defined our values and self descriptors, an activity called freeze and also a conversation activity where we talked about single stories and things which made us uncomfortable. in addition to activities our sessions included watching a TedTalk by Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche, and discussing topics such as approaching differences, how to properly identify culture differences (i.e. Power distance, context culture, communication etc.)

Throughout all of these sessions and activities there were shifts in the feeling of the room. We were really able to be vulnerable with each other and realize that everyone is fighting a battle, rather it appears physically or not. Because the room involved volunteers from a variety of minority groups, LGBT, Racial and religious differences, it allowed us to get different perspectives, and have some uncomfortable conversations. I want to applaud Peace Corps for creating this initiative and allowing volunteers and staff to come together and learn how to better addresss the needs and wants of a variety of volunteers, rather than just one specific type of volunteer. Not only does it assist volunteers, but it helps to allow staff to recognize their own prejudices etc. 

One effect of our training, for me, was  being left with an influx of emotions that I hadn't dealt with up to that point, or even realized that I was experiencing. I discussed my emotions, problems, and solutions with staff and I could see how they could also identify better with me after their diversity training, which was awesome!. 

I really enjoyed having the opportunity to learn, grow and experience with my fellow volunteers. Attending the training also helped me to understand how our various experiences in various communities affects each volunteer adn our outlooks. Most importantly1 Week and 3 days until my 1 year anniversary of arriving in country! We are getting there!

Don't sleep on yours (life) because there's beauty in the struggle - J. Cole