Alton Sterling. Philando Castile.
These are two names of the 100's of black lives that have been killed in America by police in 2016 alone. These men and all those who have lost their lives to police brutality are more than hashtags. They are ALL worthy of more than a day(s) plus of a breaking news story. All of them, in their most basic form, are HUMANS. A living, breathing, feeling being; a person with a family, friends, loved ones who were and live on as more than a statistic of being shot down by police. At the core of the issue as well is one of them could have easily been ME.
I am PRIVILEGED, and my privilege smacked me in the face on July 9th. As I read over Facebook post, news articles, tweets and messages between fellow volunteers of color, I became angry. Why was this happening again? Does NO ONE see our humanity, do they not understand that black lives are being ATTACKED and MURDERED on American streets for the whole world to see, here goes another case without a conviction. I wanted to get up and do something, let my voice be heard and my humanity to be seen, and in that moment my privilege smacked me, all 25 plus years of it. Who was I to be upset when there I was sitting in a foreign land, at a beautiful house, lounging by the pool. Me and my degree, my "great" upbringing, my world traveling. Who was I to be upset about anything?! Well here is the thing, despite all the experiences, education and "connections" I may have, I can easily be one encounter away from being a hashtag on someones timeline simply because of my melanated epidermis. Another volunteer and I had this conversation and the point we came to was the same as above, except for us we could be labeled a black returned peace corps volunteer killed by police, instead of black woman killed by police. Even with that we know that all aspects of our life would be investigated, and despite the fact that we served our country to promote peace and bridge gaps, the fact that we are serving in a majority Muslim country could be used against us, the fact that our neighborhoods in country are majority Muslim could be used to spin a story of "ISIS connections" or any other ridiculous comment to paint us in a negative light. But if we are the victims why would WE or whoever the victim is be investigated? Why does the person who is no longer living become subject to scrutiny, rather than the offending officer? What about their past, their family history, THEIR run in with the system or citizens? But this is what being black in America is like - never good enough and in some way deserving of whatever misfortune comes to you. So how do I explain to my host families, my friends what is it like to be Black in America? Conversely, how do I explain to my family and friends in America what its like to be Black in Eastern Europe? My current home, but a place where I am perceived with curiosity, misunderstanding and judged to be something other than what I am. A place where my character, behavior and experiences are not relegated based upon face to face interaction, but rather what they see on television, which is full of American programs, and portrays me as either someones "baby mama", a loud/crazy, neck rolling, attitude having woman, or someone who is promiscuous - but ultimately just my skin. Do you see the issue with that? The fact that a lot of interactions I have are based upon my hair or my skin, and sometimes people just can't get past that. They don't really want to know my experiences but want to understand why I am "different" and why I am here. But me just being isn't enough, it always has to be related to my blackness. Constantly stuck in a place where my epidermis is what defines me, my interactions my life.
As a black woman, I live a very privileged life, however, I also live a life of having to constantly prove, explain and show myself not only "worthy" but also as being more than what I am portrayed to be. I am tired though. Tired of having to jump through so many hoops. There is a serious problem in American institutions as well as in the overall American psyche about what it means to be Black. Being Black to me is about having a unique history. Its about being innovative, progressive, family and community oriented, being able to grow and flourish from concrete. Its about wanting to break barriers and leave them behind, about being accepted and spreading love. My job as a PCV is more than whats stated in a manual or brochure. It is about breaking down stereotypes associated with me and showing people how to love treat, enjoy and respect one another (Though I am still working on a baby I know who after a year still gets scared when he sees me :-/ ). I don't want to be the "standard" for which all people of color are judged, but I do want to be the standard for which all people "like me" are respected.
My privilege is sometimes burdensome, but in other moments it provides me with unique opportunities to meet people in a manner others don't have the ability to. I will continue to learn to wear my privilege proudly and will use it to make a change, even if it doesn't allow me to make differences where I want, a difference can be made. That keeps me going because others weren't afforded the opportunity to even acknowledge theirs, so for that I must continue work that is bigger than me.
So we don't forget here are some of their names: Sandra Bland, Tamir Rice, Eric Garner, Mike Brown and all those who the news cycle didn't acknowledge - Love.
- Ashley
Showing posts with label black. Show all posts
Showing posts with label black. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
Monday, September 21, 2015
Eurocreme*
*DISCLAIMER* These views are MY OWN, as I have experienced them personally and am sharing my perspectives and experiences.
I have written a whole post and realized I needed to start over. When I write my blog I usually just let it flow, but I really want this to come out the right way and to be a point of conversation - if you feel it necessary - and to just enlighten. So let me begin again by starting with this. I love being a Black Woman. (yup, we are going "There" in this post, so if you are (already) uncomfortable you can "leave" here.... {Buh-bye stop by my next post though ;) }
For those that stayed, Thank you!
When I applied and accepted my invitation for the Peace Corps I knew that my ethnicity would be an "issue" or topic of discussion. However I did not realize that it would make me feel as if my entire service is a direct result of it. My first evening in country I was called a Nigger. Yup, just like that. Actually no, what exactly was said to me was "I love Nigger". I had prepped myself that the possibility may occur but not on my first evening in country. When I heard the statement, I didn't hear the "I love" phrase said to me, I heard NIGGER! I literally stopped in my tracks and it felt like every one of my ancestors who live within me cried out from the pain and humiliation they endured to progress for me. I then felt like someone punched me in the face with brass knuckles. My heart literally ached, my mind was racing everywhere, what had I done, I was walking down the street laughing with friends, did I offend someone, was it because they said it "for fun", was it a source of entertainment? This plus other things (insert mental flashes - literally- of Mammy, blackface and jezebel images going through my mind) tormented me everytime I was in that city, and still do. Knowing that I am fair game to be talked and gossiped about, seen as a circus animal or source of entertainment and to just be talked about, makes me want to crawl into a little hole for the next two years at times. Add on the fact that I have natural hair which provides people even more "excuses" to point and laugh and talk about me, its just like Oh, great! Even in family settings I have been talked about by host family members who sat directly next to me laughing, whispering and pointing to my face, my hair, ME. Sounds about maddening doesn't it. To deal with this, along with stares, being followed in stores and every time you go somewhere. That people feel it necessary, and don't see a problem with, yelling things at me and making noises as I walk down the street. So why? Why deal with such things. Well for one, despite how uncomfortable I may feel, I may in some small way be breaking down a barrier(s). I expose people to something other than themselves. I get to teach about my history as a Black-American and my experience (that's a new thing considering we live in a post-racial society and no one thinks we have a race problem.. OK). People want to know EVERYTHING, and they don't always know what we consider "basic knowledge". For example, I taught my host cousin about Nelson Mandela. THE Nelson Mandela, she had never heard of him. We watched a movie on him and I gave background, and at the end was told, this was one of the best movies ever seen, that he was a great man. BREAKTHROUGH. I get to show the cultural diversity within America, that no I don't have to be from Africa to be black. I also get to see the effects of my culture abroad. I get to experience and see first hand perceptions that are held by the outside consumers of American culture.
It is interesting how many in Kosovo pride themselves on the fact that Kosovo is so inclusive and enjoys a multi-ethnic, multi-religious society. Yet I have some of the same experiences as Roma or darker men, women and children in Kosovo. We are marginalized, and though I am an American and that does have some benefit, I do not get the same respect as my fellow volunteers because of my skin. For example during a discussion with a Host country national I was told I was never called the "N" word here and must have been mistaken because Americans are held in high-esteem in Kosovo. That I was never followed in a store because someone thought I was going to steal something, they were just curious, however I was with 7 other Americans and none of them were followed or had anyone "tend" to them while shopping. Racism is still alive and well in Europe and many other places around the world. People just believe, because they have very homogenized societies, that they are inclusive and accepting because of "religious tolerance" which still isn't true because you are separated into communities, areas and those who are marginalized do their best to "stay away" from the majority of society. How people think it is a problem when you, a stranger, walks up to me asking to take a picture (if they even ask) and get an attitude when I respond "No." My blackness does not provide you the opportunity to treat me like your local circus attraction. My blackness doesn't mean that I am any less intelligent or mentally capable to understand and do things. My blackness DOES allow for me to be a strong, motivated, giving and appreciative human being who is aware of the disparities in the world to those with more melanin and say, I want to do something that facilitates awareness and promotes diversity in the face of all the negativity and ignorance that will be a reaction to my action. I want to be here, and I want to share my stories, facilitate cultural exchange, but sometimes people here make it really hard! But at the end of the day, just my presence makes a difference. I am so lucky for that. So I will continue to walk with my kinky hair, melanin-on-fleek (I said it), one of the tallest people on the street head held high, and allow just my presence to be a change agent. I hope there comes a point when people will understand that its rude and ignorant to treat people as a side show attraction, but if not, I will be here to help with the process because the only thing more constant than change, is change!
*Eurocreme is one of the many terms used to describe someone of color: Eurocreme is the chocolate filling put in a croissant by the way.
I have written a whole post and realized I needed to start over. When I write my blog I usually just let it flow, but I really want this to come out the right way and to be a point of conversation - if you feel it necessary - and to just enlighten. So let me begin again by starting with this. I love being a Black Woman. (yup, we are going "There" in this post, so if you are (already) uncomfortable you can "leave" here.... {Buh-bye stop by my next post though ;) }
For those that stayed, Thank you!
When I applied and accepted my invitation for the Peace Corps I knew that my ethnicity would be an "issue" or topic of discussion. However I did not realize that it would make me feel as if my entire service is a direct result of it. My first evening in country I was called a Nigger. Yup, just like that. Actually no, what exactly was said to me was "I love Nigger". I had prepped myself that the possibility may occur but not on my first evening in country. When I heard the statement, I didn't hear the "I love" phrase said to me, I heard NIGGER! I literally stopped in my tracks and it felt like every one of my ancestors who live within me cried out from the pain and humiliation they endured to progress for me. I then felt like someone punched me in the face with brass knuckles. My heart literally ached, my mind was racing everywhere, what had I done, I was walking down the street laughing with friends, did I offend someone, was it because they said it "for fun", was it a source of entertainment? This plus other things (insert mental flashes - literally- of Mammy, blackface and jezebel images going through my mind) tormented me everytime I was in that city, and still do. Knowing that I am fair game to be talked and gossiped about, seen as a circus animal or source of entertainment and to just be talked about, makes me want to crawl into a little hole for the next two years at times. Add on the fact that I have natural hair which provides people even more "excuses" to point and laugh and talk about me, its just like Oh, great! Even in family settings I have been talked about by host family members who sat directly next to me laughing, whispering and pointing to my face, my hair, ME. Sounds about maddening doesn't it. To deal with this, along with stares, being followed in stores and every time you go somewhere. That people feel it necessary, and don't see a problem with, yelling things at me and making noises as I walk down the street. So why? Why deal with such things. Well for one, despite how uncomfortable I may feel, I may in some small way be breaking down a barrier(s). I expose people to something other than themselves. I get to teach about my history as a Black-American and my experience (that's a new thing considering we live in a post-racial society and no one thinks we have a race problem.. OK). People want to know EVERYTHING, and they don't always know what we consider "basic knowledge". For example, I taught my host cousin about Nelson Mandela. THE Nelson Mandela, she had never heard of him. We watched a movie on him and I gave background, and at the end was told, this was one of the best movies ever seen, that he was a great man. BREAKTHROUGH. I get to show the cultural diversity within America, that no I don't have to be from Africa to be black. I also get to see the effects of my culture abroad. I get to experience and see first hand perceptions that are held by the outside consumers of American culture.
It is interesting how many in Kosovo pride themselves on the fact that Kosovo is so inclusive and enjoys a multi-ethnic, multi-religious society. Yet I have some of the same experiences as Roma or darker men, women and children in Kosovo. We are marginalized, and though I am an American and that does have some benefit, I do not get the same respect as my fellow volunteers because of my skin. For example during a discussion with a Host country national I was told I was never called the "N" word here and must have been mistaken because Americans are held in high-esteem in Kosovo. That I was never followed in a store because someone thought I was going to steal something, they were just curious, however I was with 7 other Americans and none of them were followed or had anyone "tend" to them while shopping. Racism is still alive and well in Europe and many other places around the world. People just believe, because they have very homogenized societies, that they are inclusive and accepting because of "religious tolerance" which still isn't true because you are separated into communities, areas and those who are marginalized do their best to "stay away" from the majority of society. How people think it is a problem when you, a stranger, walks up to me asking to take a picture (if they even ask) and get an attitude when I respond "No." My blackness does not provide you the opportunity to treat me like your local circus attraction. My blackness doesn't mean that I am any less intelligent or mentally capable to understand and do things. My blackness DOES allow for me to be a strong, motivated, giving and appreciative human being who is aware of the disparities in the world to those with more melanin and say, I want to do something that facilitates awareness and promotes diversity in the face of all the negativity and ignorance that will be a reaction to my action. I want to be here, and I want to share my stories, facilitate cultural exchange, but sometimes people here make it really hard! But at the end of the day, just my presence makes a difference. I am so lucky for that. So I will continue to walk with my kinky hair, melanin-on-fleek (I said it), one of the tallest people on the street head held high, and allow just my presence to be a change agent. I hope there comes a point when people will understand that its rude and ignorant to treat people as a side show attraction, but if not, I will be here to help with the process because the only thing more constant than change, is change!
*Eurocreme is one of the many terms used to describe someone of color: Eurocreme is the chocolate filling put in a croissant by the way.
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