Monday, April 11, 2016

Pushim Fever



Having recently returned from my spring break I felt a strong desire to share my experiences and travel pictures. For break, I traveled to Thessaloniki, Greece and Belgrade, Serbia. Both locations offered something completely different and provided me with a small glimpse into the benefits of my Peace Corps experience thus far and a greater appreciation for living abroad.
Greece’s second largest city and so called Gastronomical capital, Thessaloniki is a university town with a rich multicultural and ethnic makeup. We arrived to Greece and were surprised by the look of the city. We imagined those pretty postcard pictures we saw online describing Thessaloniki (Thess as it is called among us volunteers) and were greeted with a mix between central and western European scenery. Many buildings, much graffiti and recognizable store brands greeted us after spending hours driving through plush (beautiful and CLEAN) green space. We both looked at each other a little confused suggesting we couldn’t be in the correct location, but we were. What greeted us was similar to what you would see in America before you enter a downtown area – the “less desirable” areas of a city. However once we walked further toward the city center the views changed and a bustling city full of cafes, lots of shopping (YAY) and beautiful people. Thess is not a stereotypical Greek city, it is more European in style the islands and areas further south, this is my guess, is where you will find that Greek experience. We stayed in a downtown apartment close to the sites and shopping areas. We spent the first day at the mall, saw a movie and sat a small music bar. Throughout the rest of our 4 days in Thess we indulged in sweets, seafood, Greek foods, lots of walking and enjoying the views, sounds and breeze that was Thessaloniki. It was very surprising in Greece that an overwhelming majority of people spoke English and quite well at that. Coming from a country where many do not it was surprising to expect English form various merchants, wait staff and people on the street.
While traveling into and out of Greece we saw a UNHCR refugee camp near the Greek border. Rows and rows of tents, and a big banner stating this was a refugee camp. The crisis going on in western Asian and North African countries has a true impact – on people. They aren’t just refugees, illegal immigrants, and displaced people. They are HUMANS! There were also HUMANS sleeping in a public park near the Belgrade bus station. It was heart breaking to see brown women, men and children stranded. Stuck in a state of unwavering not knowing what happens next and nowhere to go. So I urge everyone to not let these victims to become stigmatized in your mind as law-breaking, moral-less, resource hungry or even terrorists. They are everyday women children and men escaping a situation in which they have been targeted and are simply looking for peace and security. I plan on trying to do something to do my part in supporting my fellow brothers and sisters, as should you.
When we departed from Thessaloniki, we had a 12-hour day of travel to get to Belgrade, capital city of Serbia. We traveled from Thessaloniki, to Skopje – had a 1 hour layover, then Skopje to Nis, Serbia – switched buses and went from Nis to Belgrade. Because of border disputes with Serbia and their lack of recognition for Kosovo’s independence one cannot travel thru Kosovo to Serbia but must go around through Macedonia.

We spent two days in Belgrade, the first we spent just enjoying walking around and going to the Lake there where we just laid on the rocky “beach” and stood in the water – as it was too cold to enter. We also did a bar crawl which ended at a house bar which gave us a sample of the nightlife in Belgrade – it was packed on a Thursday night and people were ENTERING the space at 3am, when we were leaving. Belgrade is known in Europe to have one of the best nightlife experiences, especially in the summer, when we were told we need to return, to experience the boat clubs they have that will allow you to experience a Serbian Sunrise on the banks of the Danube or Sava river (both of which wind their way around the city) and where you won’t dock until 7am. The second day we did a free walking tour where we saw various sites around the city and were given an early morning shot of Rakia in traditional Balkan style. We also visited the Serbian /national Bank where you can take a few free look at the museum and have your picture taken and placed on Serbian Dinar (complimentary also). We ended our last day with McDonalds (Way to be American – but to our defense: 1- I find McDonalds abroad more delicious {I don’t eat them in the states} and 2- we have no chain fast food in Kosovo, only doners).
Somethings I found very interesting about Spring break were the politics still occurring between Serbs and Albanians. On one government building we saw signs referring to the Kosovo Liberation Army and western multi-state organizations and their dislike of them. We also got a small insight into the views Serbians have of Kosovo and the effects the conflict (or lack thereof) had on them. It was very interesting that on the free walking tour we attended, the guide was a displaced Serbian from Kosovo. Because of the acts occurring in Kosovo during the late nineties her family migrated from Kosovo to Belgrade and she spoke briefly on that experience. She did mention though that she would like to return and visit her former home where she still has family members. These few chance encounters have definitely further peaked my interest to returning to Belgrade and other Serbian cities to experience their culture, people and hear their stories.  Other things learned were the appreciation I now have for knowing a language, even if basic, in Kosovo. It was frustrating not really knowing how to communicate to Greeks and Serbians in their native tongues and I felt bad not knowing even some greetings – BUT I now have that down. I feel one should know at least basic greetings in the native tongue for whatever destination you are visiting as a sign of respect and appreciation. Secondly, I am grateful and proud of the progress I have made in Albanian (think I’ve said this before – Oh well) . I don’t feel (as) lost or uncomfortable, but on the flipside not knowing the language made the yearning for anonymity to return. In Kosovo, as a PCV, I have no anonymity and I know what people around me are conversing about, usually me if I am in their presence in public, and it definitely takes a mental and emotional toll to always prepare yourself to mentally get aggravated with people constantly talking or inquiring about you yet not to you (Albanian culture isn’t direct like American culture). Also, I am a planner but I have learned how to go with the flow more (I’m sure my parents and friends will appreciate that when I return).
My travels have opened desires to further explore this melting pot called the Balkans and see what other adventures are out there for me to experience. I will definitely say the two cities I visited were never on my list, but now I have added even more locations to an ever growing travel list that would have never made it unless I would have been serving here in Kosovo so Cheers, Gezuar (Albnian), Ziveli (Serbian) and Stin yeia mas (Greek) to more travel destinations and learning experiences!
 Greece Pictures

 Boardwalk in Thessaloniki

White Tower

 Sitting on the Boardwalk

 Thessaloniki street

Ruins in the city center
 
Old Market stalls
Greek Tavernas
 Street View
 Arch of Galerius

Rotunda
 
 View from the Monastery

Belgrade Photos

Bohemian street
 
 Bakjrali Mosque

Belgrade Street View
 Entrance to Belgrade Fortress

 View looking toward the Danube and Sava rivers that meet in Belgrade

Looking toward the city from the Fortress
 
Sava River


 National Theatre


 Sign on a government building accusing Kosovo Liberation Army and NATO of wrongdoings.

- Ashley

Politics of Being Woman



“Worse than receiving actual harassment is the near-constant feeling of anticipation or expectation of harassment. It’s this feeling of being on guard at all times. This culture of fear has been created for me, and it makes me feel unsafe in my surroundings even when I’m not actively being harassed or bothered. I notice that I avoid eye contact with men when I am in public. I walk past groups of men with my eyes glued to the ground, hoping that if I don’t look up they won’t speak to me. I turn the volume up on my headphones, hoping to drown out any stray comments or whistles that may come my way. I’m alert and always aware of the person that’s approaching me or sitting next to me. I would consider this behavior paranoid, except that it’s continually proven to me that I have reason to be worried about being harassed.”[1]
- Britni de la Cretaz


These words by Britni de la Cretaz, when read struck a chord, as I am sure it has with many other women. We have all felt the emotions described above and at some point or continuously have thoughts of “please don’t look at me”, “Am I promoting harassment with my clothing?” or even “maybe I only look good if I am “hit on/harassed” by men. My service has provided me with more awareness to the over-sexualization and misogynistic tendencies men have toward women, especially women of color abroad. Firstly let me describe the previously mentioned terms:
Sexualize - make sexual; attribute sex or a sex role to
Misogyny – the hatred or dislike of women or girls. Misogyny can be manifested in numerous ways, including sexual discrimination, hostility, male supremacist ideas, belittling of women, violence against women, and sexual objectification of women.
Harassment - unwelcome and inappropriate verbal or physical conduct, or coercive behavior, where the behavior is known or reasonably ought. to be known to be unwanted or welcome
These terms, especially lately, have been used to describe the position women hold in the minds of some men and the actions of said men. As a female I have been subjected to such catcalls, harassment and unwanted touching. During my service I have experienced moments where the shape of my body and having curves has made me feel embarrassed or uncomfortable due to comments by a range of men from elders down to thirteen and fourteen year old boys. They have made crude and inappropriate comments that have made me feel as if I was promoting promiscuity or dressing in a way that was socially deemed inappropriate (despite being clothed “appropriately” when these situations occurred). I am also aware that because of the globalization of hip-hop culture and cultural stereotypes of black and American women, I receive that much more interest as something “exotic and foreign”. Add on to that how women are portrayed in music videos and talked about in songs you have a setup for promoting women only being sexual beings for a man’s pleasure. I have heard stories from fellow female volunteers who have said they were outright propositioned for sex. Why this behavior is considered acceptable among men and boys boggles me. Why do we allow the future generation of men to regard women as sexual beings and shame/comment on their appearances when women express their sexuality in the same breath. I recently read an article which stated that over 30% of Kosovar women feel it is acceptable for men to verbally harass them, that it is NORMAL. A women’s desirability should not be placed on her sexuality, or lack thereof. The harassment I have encountered has made me more of a feminist and allowed me to realize that there is still so much that needs change in societies across the globe.

I know recently there have been big debates about comments and actions made by celebrities such as Kim Kardashian, Amber Rose and Ayesha Curry (to name a few) about what are acceptable actions and fashion for being a “respectable” woman. We all have our preferences, rather it be more or less modest on dressing and actions. My question is why, even as fellow women, do we demean each other for our actions. We are quick to call each other a hoe, prude slut without understanding we have the ability as well as the right to be multi-faceted, sexually aware beings. Say for instance, if I decide to dress conservatively during my 9-5 and then wear clothes which accentuate my womanly features; why am I demonized for loving, exploring and embracing all facets of myself? I won’t sit here and lie and say I haven’t been that person at some point who has questioned if not commented on another women’s wardrobe choice. However, I have come to the realization, no matter what a woman does or is, she shouldn’t be criticized, demonized and /or diminished to a single facet of herself which society deems it is acceptable for her to be. Every woman has a variety of selves and her most denied, yet desired being is her sexual self. Women should be encouraged and supported by each other to comfortably express all their “selves” and embrace how each creates the whole stunning, impressive, magical, mold shattering masterpiece each women is. 

     In connection with me service thus far, and my perception of Kosovar village society, women are expected to be show pieces. Only shown off with and for men, yet otherwise virtually unseen. I perceive it as the silencing of women’s experiences and struggles, literally and figuratively. It is interesting how women have tried to react against such circumstances. For example, I know a woman who has faced some “backlash” if you would call it for being a “modern woman” – working, married and successful. Some feel she is not doing her wifely duties because she is out working and doing something she loves. She assists with housework, serving and cooking when possible but most is done by her mother-in-law as it is tradition for new wives to move into her husband’s house, who usually still lives with his parents. Her wifely duties have also been commented on in terms of what it takes to keep her husband satisfied and how she is perceived to have “a lot of work to do” because he is a bigger man. Additionally, remarks were made referring to her wardrobe because as she is now married she should dress more “elegantly” instead of wearing what she does. Add on to that the constant reference to a woman’s weight and size, which I and countless other women (including the women formerly mentioned), have had referred to (you’re getting /are fat is a constant comment heard around Kosovo even if the woman is on the smaller size). Women are not good enough, pretty enough or small enough it seems. I have mentioned to a friend of mine how I am surprised more Albanian women don’t have eating/self-esteem disorders because of all the politics involving their physical appearances in this society. 

I just want to instill in my girls, that they are enough. No matter what society, family or even friends dictate, being themselves is enough. Embracing differences instead of creating flaws, loving every size and creating a culture of female acceptance and importance is what is needed. We need to de-stigmatize a woman who is completely self-aware and embrace that woman and all she offers. Women and men need to stand up and stand together against misogyny and promoting self-hate of women and learn to encourage love and support each other for who and what they are, what how they express their womanly experience.

“Every part of me is a vision of a portrait… of Mona Lisa, Every part of me is beautiful, And I finally see I'm a work of art, A masterpiece, And now I see the pretty colors on my canvas, I'm a work of art, a Mona Lisa, I'll share my picture with the world, Not afraid to let it show anymore”
Masterpiece – Jazmine Sullivan

- Ashley

Below are some links to short articles involving rape and sexual harassment culture in Kosovo


Saturday, March 26, 2016

Passion... Or was that Purpose?

What do you want out of life?  (Persistent life question)
I was recently talking to a friend and discussing purpose and passion. What do you want? What do you enjoy? What is your God ordained purpose and gift to your fellow humans? Some people spend a lifetime searching for their purpose, their passion, their “meaning”. 27 months of a nontraditional lifestyle provides lots of time to sit and ponder anything your mind can fathom. As many 20-somethings I have had the dreaded “What will I do with my life question?”. Unlike some people, my life has usually been consistent and I’ve (usually) had a game plan. This is the first time in my life I have the “what next” question. I’ve only had 3 career choices my entire life, up until this point. First was a lawyer (I loved to argue and politics – then I found I didn’t want to compromise my morals), then a teacher (passionate about children and education, also building upon my love of social studies) and up until now working in the Foreign Service (first hand experiences with “social studies topics” and travel- best of both worlds). Now, after experiencing teaching and some of my passions, I have a little debacle. What will my next step be and ultimately, what is my purpose. Before heading out on my Peace Corps service, I had started the search for my purpose. I knew what things I liked and gravitated towards, but I hadn’t quite figured out my purpose. That, or I am looking too much into figuring it out – I am an analytical person, so I like thinking, and thinking, and thinking some more about things. I have many ideas of things I would like to do but I don’t know if I am supposed to be doing them or simply they are ideas… My friend got me thinking, which caused me to write in my journal and led to this blog, and it is just a general question – What is the best way to find your purpose. First I say let’s distinguish passion from purpose as many get them confused, yet they are intertwined.
Purpose (as defined by Merriam Webster) - the reason why something is done or used: the aim or intention of something: the feeling of being determined to do or achieve something: the aim or goal of a person: what a person is trying to do, become, etc
Passion (as defined by Merriam Webster Dictionary) - a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something : a strong feeling (such as anger) that causes you to act in a dangerous way
Many people believe that their purpose has to be their profession. Wrong (my opinion). You can have passion for something and that be your job and your side hustle is your real purpose. Passion simply means you will gain enjoyment from it. In some cases, something you are good at (purpose) isn’t as inspiring as your passion, but (in my opinion) as long as you are executing both, you are providing something of value to this world. Personally, I want something fulfilling and something that I am ordained to do. That when I do it, I get that certain glow, you see why I do what I do and that there are lives being touched form my work. My Peace Corps work gives me a certain level of satisfaction from time to time, however, I want more for myself, and my abilities. I have experienced moments where outsiders see more in me at times, than I do in myself. Sometimes that is necessary, but at the end of the day you should always see the most and the best in yourself. Those outside parties 1- may not be there to provide a push that has been placed inside you, or 2-may revert to a “nay-sayer” and try to dissuade you from accomplishing something massive/impactful in the lives of others. I want to be that woman who 1- breaks down barriers, 2- creates a pathway for others and 3- leaves a sustainable (Peace corps word #1) impact in this world.
So how does one find their purpose? I honestly don’t know. Some stumble upon it by a chance encounter. Others know from a young age. The majority, I think, develop into it. You find that you have something that you keep being drawn to and that is what you grow and develop in.
My quest in my two years in Kosovo, in addition to my Peace Corps duties, are to learn the most about myself and define my life’s purpose at this point. The ideal situation for me is to leave my Peace Corps Service with a defined idea of my future or, at least, my next steps. I believe my Peace Corps experience is setting me up for my future. All of the thinking has just allowed me to better develop a mindset and sense of direction I wouldn’t have been able to get in the United States. My suggestion for those still on their “purpose quest” is to focus inward. Don’t be afraid to be “selfish” and figure out the inner workings of yourself. Not only for your purpose, but just so you can fully develop into the man/woman you are meant to be and take your realized talents to progressive levels.
Let's take this progressive journey together... until the path of purposefulness is found, shihemi se shpejti (See you soon).

 

Love,

Ashley <3

Friday, March 18, 2016

Cka ka te re?

 
C'ka ka te ri, is a phrase asking what's new with you? Such a phrase here in Kosovo is typically met with hitch/asgje which means nothing. Well, I am proud to say something HAS been up, and that something is In-Service language training i.e. Albanian.... (cue the dun dun duns) Language IST is a way for Peace Corps to help refresh your Albanian language, as well as try to fine tune and provide new information to assist with grant terminology. So I received an e-mail informing me of the sessions and information needed but was taken aback when reading the disclaimer that sessions will be only in Albanian. Now I started to freak out! I am far from the most confident Albanian speaker, and typically sound like a child when speaking (think grammatical errors and the lovely uh, uh, uhs) so this was not comforting to me. As I arrived in Peja with about 9 other cohorts (we had trainings in different areas around the country to focus on smaller groups - thanks PC for that consideration) I figured I would just take the bull by the horn and take my language instruction as is and if its a fluke, so be it - Hey I gave it a try. To my surprise, lessons were understood, I got the gist of information provided and even caught on to some jokes - take THAT Albanian. Now let's not get hasty, there were moments filled with "Watchu say Willis?" and the lovely "brain check out" but they were far between and I exceeded my original expectations. Looking back on the training I had to give myself a break. Albanian is a difficult language, but I am conquering it, enjoying the process and constantly trying .... (OK usually trying - its tiring to think and talk constantly in this language)! Most credit has to go to my tutor, who has helped me learn my language learning style, laughed with me through my blunders but most importantly made me feel like it is possible - and gaining a friend in the process hasn't hurt. So with that aside, training was cool, and now I only have two weeks until Spring Break!

Also, in "New News", we had teacher's day last week and it was an interesting thing to see my students put on performances and display their various talents. After the performances, my director gave a short speech and distributed flowers, and I even got one! It was so sweet I thought I was misunderstanding when I heard my name called and the kids broke into thunderous applause (literally) and I was really honored they gave me flowers. It was a sweet gesture!

Lastly, I guess other new news is it is OFFICIALLY summer vacation planning time! Awesome because my lineup is pretty much finished, and it is panning out to be a fun, busy and passport stamp filled summer! This isn't even including the trainings I hope to participate in with the new group of volunteers who will be here in less than 3 short months! I can't believe our 1 year in country anniversary mark is approaching! It goes to show you, time flies when you're having fun, or at least teaching haha! Enjoy your weekend and I would love feedback on topics readers would like to hear about!

Tung!
~Ashley

Thursday, March 10, 2016

EPOPEJA


March 5-7, days in the Kosovar Albanian community that will forever be memorialized. During these dates in 1998, the Jashari (Yuh-Shar-E) family compound was riddled with bullets, bombs and grenades. Hamez and Adem Jashari, UÇK (Kosovo Liberation Army) commanders in the Drenica region were targeted, and along with them, 53 family members and four guests were killed in a Serbian military attack. In addition to the Jashari family, those trying to flee from houses were also killed by Serbian snipers. There was one survivor of the attack, Hamez Jashari’s eight year old daughter who hid under her mother’s bread making table during the 2 day siege on her family's compound. This attack is one of the catalyst for the US and international response against the Yugoslav government in Kosovo. Here are some photos previously posted, of the Jashari compound and the memorial and museum.

Museum

Graves of the deceased

The homes most Jashari's were killed in

View of the destruction done by Serbian forces


On March 5th I joined my family, as well as hundreds of others, who made a “pilgrimage” to the memorial to pay their respects and honor those who perished in the attacks. We viewed the museum which contained artifacts form the houses that were attacked, as well as personal items of the Jashari brothers. Inside of the museum there is a banner with the names, photos and dates of life of those women, men and children who were killed. On March 7th my village, as well as the neighboring town celebrated this moment in history known as Epopeja.



 

The above banner could be found all around my surrounding community in the days leading up to the memorial date. The meaning of - Epopeja e Ushtrise Clirimtare te Kosoves is - The Epic Liberation Army of Kosova. On March 7th, we had a lighting ceremony at the memorial where Kosovar Military personnel first set for to a large bonfire, and lit “torches” as they walked from the uppermost section of the memorial and from the bombed compound to the resting place of the deceased, lighting torches for all the deceased along the way. The lighting of the bonfire was to signify to those in the neighboring town, where a square is dedicated to Adem Jashari to begin their celebrations, which I was unable to attend this year, but watched the celebratory concert after returning home.
I have attached a video from the local TV Station where they show the entire procession, as well as the concert which began after. The procession starts at 3:30, and you also can continue watching to see popular Albanian entertainers and traditional folk dances as well.



There is little to be found on Kosovo, its history, or this particular event, however I have provided this link to give you an insight.

Despite the lack of international knowledge of this event, the people, legacies and memories of this day as well as the mental and social impact it has had on my community is ever present and thought of. Trying to insert yourself into this community can be (and is) difficult, but I have a greater appreciation for my community and their strength after experiencing this event with them first-hand.

~ Ashley