Pre-departure Nervousness

So considering that Kosovo is about oooh 12 days away, I will address my top 5 things I am a little nervous about when I depart.

1 - LANGUAGE
     Like I have previously mentioned, the Albanian language is something that will be completely new and foreign to me. I think I am most nervous about the impact of not being able to communicate in the manner I want to and the lack of understanding that will be going on. The language barrier can be so daunting and having to deal with it especially in a new country you sometimes just want to say screw this and book your flight home. But I REALLY want to overcome this hurdle to prove to myself I can do it. As much as I am nervous about it, I am also awaiting that one breakthrough moment when I can WOO_SAH and say yes I understood someone and they understood me. I think that more so comes from when I studied abroad and even though I was attempting to learn German it never really came to a point where I could really comprehend what I was hearing mainly because so many people there are learning English and when they hear your American accent they want to practice on you *side eye*.

2 - BEING ACCEPTED IN COUNTRY
     As a minority it is a little thought in the back of your mind wondering if you will be subject to hate, ignorance, misunderstanding, not being viewed as "American" all because of the amount if melanin in your skin. I have heard from different people that they were referred to in a negative manner or felt uncomfortable in some fashion but that is a risk you take regardless of where you decide to serve and it is something you sign up for, but that doesn't make the realization of it any less "comforting". Also, if they feel you are un-American, it could be a little hard to do your work and have the respect of your community and those around you.

3-  LEAVING MY FAMILY
     Now as much as I am thoroughly excited about Kosovo, I am not looking forward to leaving my family for two plus years. I am part of a large, loud, loving, exciting, growing and supportive family. If one fails we all hurt, if one succeeds we ALL succeed and celebrate (very well at that may I add hahaha). So to leave the US and know that I am going to miss birthdays, graduations, several births and just the physical aspect of my family is saddening to me. (Missing thanksgiving last year was the most heartbreaking and saddening thing for me, I was so depressed lol, judge away I don't care - you've never spent time at my family house) However, there is some reassurance in hearing how proud my family members are of me and how I have 1000 percent of their support, love and prayers.

4- HOMESICKNESS
     When I was studying abroad in college, I was so excited to spend that time away and visiting different countries, but I got a huge amount of homesickness where I was depressed, having an enormous amount of negative feelings and hated my decision to study abroad. Those feelings felt so insurmountable and I am dreading if I become subject to them again. I know I will get past it however those two weeks were so rough for me.

5 - MAKING AN IMPACT'
     Many PCVs go into service expecting to change their entire village and to have just this crazy impact on another country. Now I don't have THOSE expectations but I am unsure if all the work I do will really change anything, if even my presence will make a difference. One of my goals in life is to have a great and positive impact on someone's life where its changed in a positive manner and creates subsequent positive ripples. Because you can not immediately see the impact your PC work will have that is something you may not immediately , or ever, know. But I hope I have a positive impact and someone's life is changed positively because of my decision to volunteer.