Alton Sterling. Philando Castile.
These are two names of the 100's of black lives that have been killed in America by police in 2016 alone. These men and all those who have lost their lives to police brutality are more than hashtags. They are ALL worthy of more than a day(s) plus of a breaking news story. All of them, in their most basic form, are HUMANS. A living, breathing, feeling being; a person with a family, friends, loved ones who were and live on as more than a statistic of being shot down by police. At the core of the issue as well is one of them could have easily been ME.
I am PRIVILEGED, and my privilege smacked me in the face on July 9th. As I read over Facebook post, news articles, tweets and messages between fellow volunteers of color, I became angry. Why was this happening again? Does NO ONE see our humanity, do they not understand that black lives are being ATTACKED and MURDERED on American streets for the whole world to see, here goes another case without a conviction. I wanted to get up and do something, let my voice be heard and my humanity to be seen, and in that moment my privilege smacked me, all 25 plus years of it. Who was I to be upset when there I was sitting in a foreign land, at a beautiful house, lounging by the pool. Me and my degree, my "great" upbringing, my world traveling. Who was I to be upset about anything?! Well here is the thing, despite all the experiences, education and "connections" I may have, I can easily be one encounter away from being a hashtag on someones timeline simply because of my melanated epidermis. Another volunteer and I had this conversation and the point we came to was the same as above, except for us we could be labeled a black returned peace corps volunteer killed by police, instead of black woman killed by police. Even with that we know that all aspects of our life would be investigated, and despite the fact that we served our country to promote peace and bridge gaps, the fact that we are serving in a majority Muslim country could be used against us, the fact that our neighborhoods in country are majority Muslim could be used to spin a story of "ISIS connections" or any other ridiculous comment to paint us in a negative light. But if we are the victims why would WE or whoever the victim is be investigated? Why does the person who is no longer living become subject to scrutiny, rather than the offending officer? What about their past, their family history, THEIR run in with the system or citizens? But this is what being black in America is like - never good enough and in some way deserving of whatever misfortune comes to you. So how do I explain to my host families, my friends what is it like to be Black in America? Conversely, how do I explain to my family and friends in America what its like to be Black in Eastern Europe? My current home, but a place where I am perceived with curiosity, misunderstanding and judged to be something other than what I am. A place where my character, behavior and experiences are not relegated based upon face to face interaction, but rather what they see on television, which is full of American programs, and portrays me as either someones "baby mama", a loud/crazy, neck rolling, attitude having woman, or someone who is promiscuous - but ultimately just my skin. Do you see the issue with that? The fact that a lot of interactions I have are based upon my hair or my skin, and sometimes people just can't get past that. They don't really want to know my experiences but want to understand why I am "different" and why I am here. But me just being isn't enough, it always has to be related to my blackness. Constantly stuck in a place where my epidermis is what defines me, my interactions my life.
As a black woman, I live a very privileged life, however, I also live a life of having to constantly prove, explain and show myself not only "worthy" but also as being more than what I am portrayed to be. I am tired though. Tired of having to jump through so many hoops. There is a serious problem in American institutions as well as in the overall American psyche about what it means to be Black. Being Black to me is about having a unique history. Its about being innovative, progressive, family and community oriented, being able to grow and flourish from concrete. Its about wanting to break barriers and leave them behind, about being accepted and spreading love. My job as a PCV is more than whats stated in a manual or brochure. It is about breaking down stereotypes associated with me and showing people how to love treat, enjoy and respect one another (Though I am still working on a baby I know who after a year still gets scared when he sees me :-/ ). I don't want to be the "standard" for which all people of color are judged, but I do want to be the standard for which all people "like me" are respected.
My privilege is sometimes burdensome, but in other moments it provides me with unique opportunities to meet people in a manner others don't have the ability to. I will continue to learn to wear my privilege proudly and will use it to make a change, even if it doesn't allow me to make differences where I want, a difference can be made. That keeps me going because others weren't afforded the opportunity to even acknowledge theirs, so for that I must continue work that is bigger than me.
So we don't forget here are some of their names: Sandra Bland, Tamir Rice, Eric Garner, Mike Brown and all those who the news cycle didn't acknowledge - Love.
- Ashley
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
Bajramit i Dyte
Per Hajr Bajramit! Happy Bajram. The end to the holiest month in the Islamic Calendar, Ramdan, Bajram is a huge fest for Muslims all across the world. This year I am officially at my permanent site and celebrated Eid-al-Fitr with my entire host family. The process of preparing for Bajram begins days earlier with the baking of cakes, buying of treats and a THOROUGH cleaning, washing and preparation of each house for guests.
This year Bajram was a little different for me because I (attempted to) fast. Now let me add my disclaimer here where I say the INTENT was the whole month of Ramadan, HOWEVER, the inner foodie in me and the fact that I was traveling changed those plans. I did however fast for about 8 days. Add to the fact that for the first 3/4 days my host father would ask me every morning if I was still fasting, to which I replied yes - I assume he thought I wouldn't make it past day one, so I would say that I did pretty darn good :) When fasting the "rules" are no food or drinking during daylight hours, and you can eat and drink from sundown and until before sunrise which ranged everyday from various minutes between 3:10-3:30am. As someone who had never fasted in this manner before, I spent the first 2-3 days drinking small amounts of water throughout the day to ease my body into fasting (at the recommendation of some Muslim friends). After which I complied fully to the rules and abstained from food and drinking during daylight hours. When friends, family and people in my community learned that I was fasting the response was usually the same. First a gasp and people asking "Really, you're fasting? Why?" followed by, pure excitement and encouragement for attempting to experience their culture. I told my students and it was ALL the rage to where the next morning in school my students were THOROUGHLY informed of my decision. When my host grandmother learned I was fasting I was met with lots of hand grabbing, smiles and shume mire's (oh, and the news QUICKLY spread throughout the family and to any bystander of my fasting). Though I only fasted for a week I truly came to appreciate a variety of things and learned some things as well.
First thing I learned is I have a lot of self restraint. Having to be around people who are eating and drinking while you are not is hard, even harder when you're a self-proclaimed foodie and the smell of Laknire goes wafting through the air, but you enter this kick-ass mental state of blocking out such actions and learning to talk to your body (or at least I did). To my surprise, the first few days were easiest and the longer I fasted the harder it became - NO one warned me of this. You become very aware of your body and you are extremely fatigued while fasting. When Bajram began, school was still in session so I would wake up, go to work come home and nap, depending on the day it was 1.5-3 hours at a time (and you're STILL tired after so it is truly exhausting on your body) then I'd go and socialize with family until it was time for Iftar (the breaking of the fast).
The second thing I learned is you have to really dive into trying new things to gain appreciation. I remember as a kid when Lent (the holy time for Christians where we prepare for the resurrection of Jesus Christ) would come and I would hate having to choose something to give up. Fast forward to now and I appreciate this time so much more. Fasting made me realize how I want to be a better volunteer, Christian and be a better version of myself. I have recently been on an in-depth self evaluation and doing the fast revealed a variety of things and helped me to delve deeper into myself and my mindset. While doing self evaluation I also reflected on my service and saw opportunities for growth and made realizations as well.
Third realization is that I have become closer to my Muslim friends and we had discussions about their religion and it gave me a deeper understanding and respect for who they are and what they believe. I have never been one to shy away from learning about religions, but this experience has caused me to be more explorative in my own religion as well as that of others. I wish people would take the time to really see how you can learn and grow from other religions instead of using this difference to segregate and vilify each other. Their is beauty in the differences, as well as the similarities. To group a religion together because you lack understanding or contact creates the environment for ignorant comments, ideas and personifications to occur. So I implore people to do their research, talk to someone and just accept those differences and promote peace. You would be surprised what you learn about them and yourself ;-){Sorry, rant done.}
The holy month of Ramadan brings together all Muslims to reflect, recenter and rededicate themselves to their faith. Being blessed with the opportunity to share in such an experience has given me more perspectives and respect for this culture. Below are some photos during Bajram from my time with my family and again Happy Bajram to all my Muslim friends!
Host Mom pressing out the Rollal
Even my host brother helped out, crushing Biscuits! :)
This year Bajram was a little different for me because I (attempted to) fast. Now let me add my disclaimer here where I say the INTENT was the whole month of Ramadan, HOWEVER, the inner foodie in me and the fact that I was traveling changed those plans. I did however fast for about 8 days. Add to the fact that for the first 3/4 days my host father would ask me every morning if I was still fasting, to which I replied yes - I assume he thought I wouldn't make it past day one, so I would say that I did pretty darn good :) When fasting the "rules" are no food or drinking during daylight hours, and you can eat and drink from sundown and until before sunrise which ranged everyday from various minutes between 3:10-3:30am. As someone who had never fasted in this manner before, I spent the first 2-3 days drinking small amounts of water throughout the day to ease my body into fasting (at the recommendation of some Muslim friends). After which I complied fully to the rules and abstained from food and drinking during daylight hours. When friends, family and people in my community learned that I was fasting the response was usually the same. First a gasp and people asking "Really, you're fasting? Why?" followed by, pure excitement and encouragement for attempting to experience their culture. I told my students and it was ALL the rage to where the next morning in school my students were THOROUGHLY informed of my decision. When my host grandmother learned I was fasting I was met with lots of hand grabbing, smiles and shume mire's (oh, and the news QUICKLY spread throughout the family and to any bystander of my fasting). Though I only fasted for a week I truly came to appreciate a variety of things and learned some things as well.
First thing I learned is I have a lot of self restraint. Having to be around people who are eating and drinking while you are not is hard, even harder when you're a self-proclaimed foodie and the smell of Laknire goes wafting through the air, but you enter this kick-ass mental state of blocking out such actions and learning to talk to your body (or at least I did). To my surprise, the first few days were easiest and the longer I fasted the harder it became - NO one warned me of this. You become very aware of your body and you are extremely fatigued while fasting. When Bajram began, school was still in session so I would wake up, go to work come home and nap, depending on the day it was 1.5-3 hours at a time (and you're STILL tired after so it is truly exhausting on your body) then I'd go and socialize with family until it was time for Iftar (the breaking of the fast).
The second thing I learned is you have to really dive into trying new things to gain appreciation. I remember as a kid when Lent (the holy time for Christians where we prepare for the resurrection of Jesus Christ) would come and I would hate having to choose something to give up. Fast forward to now and I appreciate this time so much more. Fasting made me realize how I want to be a better volunteer, Christian and be a better version of myself. I have recently been on an in-depth self evaluation and doing the fast revealed a variety of things and helped me to delve deeper into myself and my mindset. While doing self evaluation I also reflected on my service and saw opportunities for growth and made realizations as well.
Third realization is that I have become closer to my Muslim friends and we had discussions about their religion and it gave me a deeper understanding and respect for who they are and what they believe. I have never been one to shy away from learning about religions, but this experience has caused me to be more explorative in my own religion as well as that of others. I wish people would take the time to really see how you can learn and grow from other religions instead of using this difference to segregate and vilify each other. Their is beauty in the differences, as well as the similarities. To group a religion together because you lack understanding or contact creates the environment for ignorant comments, ideas and personifications to occur. So I implore people to do their research, talk to someone and just accept those differences and promote peace. You would be surprised what you learn about them and yourself ;-){Sorry, rant done.}
The holy month of Ramadan brings together all Muslims to reflect, recenter and rededicate themselves to their faith. Being blessed with the opportunity to share in such an experience has given me more perspectives and respect for this culture. Below are some photos during Bajram from my time with my family and again Happy Bajram to all my Muslim friends!
Attempting to get my host sis to take a picture with me
Brunch is served!
Family siting around talking, enjoying each others company
"My girls" and I
Family at my Host Aunt's house
Host mama and my host aunt (#besties)
Typical dessert plate served at every house you visit! (from R-L: Rollal {Which I helped make}, Bakllava, mini Rollal without filling and Torta)
Until Next Time
- Ashley
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