Passion... Or was that Purpose?

What do you want out of life?  (Persistent life question)

I was recently talking to a friend and discussing purpose and passion. What do you want? What do you enjoy? What is your God ordained purpose and gift to your fellow humans? Some people spend a lifetime searching for their purpose, their passion, their “meaning”. 27 months of a nontraditional lifestyle provides lots of time to sit and ponder anything your mind can fathom. As many 20-somethings I have had the dreaded “What will I do with my life question?”. Unlike some people, my life has usually been consistent and I’ve (usually) had a game plan. This is the first time in my life I have the “what next” question. I’ve only had 3 career choices my entire life, up until this point. First was a lawyer (I loved to argue and politics – then I found I didn’t want to compromise my morals), then a teacher (passionate about children and education, also building upon my love of social studies) and up until now working in the Foreign Service (first hand experiences with “social studies topics” and travel- best of both worlds). Now, after experiencing teaching and some of my passions, I have a little debacle. What will my next step be and ultimately, what is my purpose. Before heading out on my Peace Corps service, I had started the search for my purpose. I knew what things I liked and gravitated towards, but I hadn’t quite figured out my purpose. That, or I am looking too much into figuring it out – I am an analytical person, so I like thinking, and thinking, and thinking some more about things. I have many ideas of things I would like to do but I don’t know if I am supposed to be doing them or simply they are ideas… My friend got me thinking, which caused me to write in my journal and led to this blog, and it is just a general question – What is the best way to find your purpose. First I say let’s distinguish passion from purpose as many get them confused, yet they are intertwined.

Purpose (as defined by Merriam Webster) - the reason why something is done or used: the aim or intention of something: the feeling of being determined to do or achieve something: the aim or goal of a person: what a person is trying to do, become, etc

Passion (as defined by Merriam Webster Dictionary) - a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something : a strong feeling (such as anger) that causes you to act in a dangerous way

Many people believe that their purpose has to be their profession. Wrong (my opinion). You can have passion for something and that be your job and your side hustle is your real purpose. Passion simply means you will gain enjoyment from it. In some cases, something you are good at (purpose) isn’t as inspiring as your passion, but (in my opinion) as long as you are executing both, you are providing something of value to this world. Personally, I want something fulfilling and something that I am ordained to do. That when I do it, I get that certain glow, you see why I do what I do and that there are lives being touched form my work. My Peace Corps work gives me a certain level of satisfaction from time to time, however, I want more for myself, and my abilities. I have experienced moments where outsiders see more in me at times, than I do in myself. Sometimes that is necessary, but at the end of the day you should always see the most and the best in yourself. Those outside parties 1- may not be there to provide a push that has been placed inside you, or 2-may revert to a “nay-sayer” and try to dissuade you from accomplishing something massive/impactful in the lives of others. I want to be that woman who 1- breaks down barriers, 2- creates a pathway for others and 3- leaves a sustainable (Peace corps word #1) impact in this world.

So how does one find their purpose? I honestly don’t know. Some stumble upon it by a chance encounter. Others know from a young age. The majority, I think, develop into it. You find that you have something that you keep being drawn to and that is what you grow and develop in.

My quest in my two years in Kosovo, in addition to my Peace Corps duties, are to learn the most about myself and define my life’s purpose at this point. The ideal situation for me is to leave my Peace Corps Service with a defined idea of my future or, at least, my next steps. I believe my Peace Corps experience is setting me up for my future. All of the thinking has just allowed me to better develop a mindset and sense of direction I wouldn’t have been able to get in the United States. My suggestion for those still on their “purpose quest” is to focus inward. Don’t be afraid to be “selfish” and figure out the inner workings of yourself. Not only for your purpose, but just so you can fully develop into the man/woman you are meant to be and take your realized talents to progressive levels.
Let's take this progressive journey together... until the path of purposefulness is found, shihemi se shpejti (See you soon).

 

Love,

Ashley <3

Cka ka te re?

 

C'ka ka te ri, is a phrase asking what's new with you? Such a phrase here in Kosovo is typically met with hitch/asgje which means nothing. Well, I am proud to say something HAS been up, and that something is In-Service language training i.e. Albanian.... (cue the dun dun duns) Language IST is a way for Peace Corps to help refresh your Albanian language, as well as try to fine tune and provide new information to assist with grant terminology. So I received an e-mail informing me of the sessions and information needed but was taken aback when reading the disclaimer that sessions will be only in Albanian. Now I started to freak out! I am far from the most confident Albanian speaker, and typically sound like a child when speaking (think grammatical errors and the lovely uh, uh, uhs) so this was not comforting to me. As I arrived in Peja with about 9 other cohorts (we had trainings in different areas around the country to focus on smaller groups - thanks PC for that consideration) I figured I would just take the bull by the horn and take my language instruction as is and if its a fluke, so be it - Hey I gave it a try. To my surprise, lessons were understood, I got the gist of information provided and even caught on to some jokes - take THAT Albanian. Now let's not get hasty, there were moments filled with "Watchu say Willis?" and the lovely "brain check out" but they were far between and I exceeded my original expectations. Looking back on the training I had to give myself a break. Albanian is a difficult language, but I am conquering it, enjoying the process and constantly trying .... (OK usually trying - its tiring to think and talk constantly in this language)! Most credit has to go to my tutor, who has helped me learn my language learning style, laughed with me through my blunders but most importantly made me feel like it is possible - and gaining a friend in the process hasn't hurt. So with that aside, training was cool, and now I only have two weeks until Spring Break!

Also, in "New News", we had teacher's day last week and it was an interesting thing to see my students put on performances and display their various talents. After the performances, my director gave a short speech and distributed flowers, and I even got one! It was so sweet I thought I was misunderstanding when I heard my name called and the kids broke into thunderous applause (literally) and I was really honored they gave me flowers. It was a sweet gesture!

Lastly, I guess other new news is it is OFFICIALLY summer vacation planning time! Awesome because my lineup is pretty much finished, and it is panning out to be a fun, busy and passport stamp filled summer! This isn't even including the trainings I hope to participate in with the new group of volunteers who will be here in less than 3 short months! I can't believe our 1 year in country anniversary mark is approaching! It goes to show you, time flies when you're having fun, or at least teaching haha! Enjoy your weekend and I would love feedback on topics readers would like to hear about!

Tung!
~Ashley

EPOPEJA

March 5-7, days in the Kosovar Albanian community that will forever be memorialized. During these dates in 1998, the Jashari (Yuh-Shar-E) family compound was riddled with bullets, bombs and grenades. Hamez and Adem Jashari, UÇK (Kosovo Liberation Army) commanders in the Drenica region were targeted, and along with them, 53 family members and four guests were killed in a Serbian military attack. In addition to the Jashari family, those trying to flee from houses were also killed by Serbian snipers. There was one survivor of the attack, Hamez Jashari’s eight year old daughter who hid under her mother’s bread making table during the 2 day siege on her family's compound. This attack is one of the catalyst for the US and international response against the Yugoslav government in Kosovo. Here are some photos previously posted, of the Jashari compound and the memorial and museum.

Museum

Graves of the deceased

The homes most Jashari's were killed in

View of the destruction done by Serbian forces



On March 5^th I joined my family, as well as hundreds of others, who made a “pilgrimage” to the memorial to pay their respects and honor those who perished in the attacks. We viewed the museum which contained artifacts form the houses that were attacked, as well as personal items of the Jashari brothers. Inside of the museum there is a banner with the names, photos and dates of life of those women, men and children who were killed. On March 7^th my village, as well as the neighboring town celebrated this moment in history known as Epopeja.

 

The above banner could be found all around my surrounding community in the days leading up to the memorial date. The meaning of - Epopeja e Ushtrise Clirimtare te Kosoves is - The Epic Liberation Army of Kosova. On March 7^th, we had a lighting ceremony at the memorial where Kosovar Military personnel first set for to a large bonfire, and lit “torches” as they walked from the uppermost section of the memorial and from the bombed compound to the resting place of the deceased, lighting torches for all the deceased along the way. The lighting of the bonfire was to signify to those in the neighboring town, where a square is dedicated to Adem Jashari to begin their celebrations, which I was unable to attend this year, but watched the celebratory concert after returning home.

I have attached a video from the local TV Station where they show the entire procession, as well as the concert which began after. The procession starts at 3:30, and you also can continue watching to see popular Albanian entertainers and traditional folk dances as well.

There is little to be found on Kosovo, its history, or this particular event, however I have provided this link to give you an insight.

http://www.bosnia.org.uk/news/news_body.cfm?newsid=2842

Despite the lack of international knowledge of this event, the people, legacies and memories of this day as well as the mental and social impact it has had on my community is ever present and thought of. Trying to insert yourself into this community can be (and is) difficult, but I have a greater appreciation for my community and their strength after experiencing this event with them first-hand.

~ Ashley