25 Silver Linings

The BIG 25. The quarter century club. I can't believe my 25th birthday is days away and I get to celebrate a birthday abroad (check that off the bucket list). I have a variety of feelings with the upcoming year change and most of them have caused me to say Oh Crap! So in honor of 25 here are 25 things I have learned, appreciated, accepted or am growing into...

1. Having a relationship with God is vital for me. I appreciate the peace that comes with knowing everything in my life has been ordained and that even in the loneliest of times there is someone looking out for me.

2. Travel is everything to me. It's my high. I want to travel as much as I can, as far as I can and meet amazing people along the way.

3. Family. The second most important thing to me. It's sort of ridiculous how much I love my family (even the ones I call auntie, sister, uncle or cousin with no blood tie- but blood couldn't bring us closer: cliché I know), even when they drive me bonkers. But they are my saving grace and without them and God, who knows where I'd be. The tears are actually welling up just thinking about them and how much I miss them... Next point.

4. Seasons. My 24th year of life started with a lot of pain and confusion. Now With 25 creeping around the corner I am at one of the most care free points I have been in my life and I am happy. I see the beauty in everything. And I love seeing myself grow. That's not to say every moment has a rainbow and a pot of gold at the end But I am enjoying where I am at. With life comes changing seasons and sometimes it hurts, helps, and sometimes they make you the happiest or most confused you've ever been, and other times you're just content. What I am learning is to find the good in every season. Growth and change are the only continuous things in life.

5. My hair... Yes my hair. growing up I was always insecure about my hair- it wasn't straight enough, long enough, cute enough whatever. And then in college I cut it off and went natural. Problem solved right? Wrong. But I have grown to love my hair and every kink and coil that says I will not be tamed. In embracing my hair I have in a way truly embraced me. With Good and bad hair days me and my "curly" 'fro are happy learning about "ourselves" together.

6. Walking. Walking, especially here in Kosovo has given me the ability to really clear and free my mind. It's at these times when it's just me the road and my music I feel happy and see the most beauty. I smile for no reason. I think about random memories and laugh at myself. Walking allows me to enjoy myself and be at Peace with God, myself and Mother Earth.

7. Exercise is important *drops mic* (picks it back up & places on the stand because I am not always consistent HA!)

8. I am a FOODIE! (Self proclaimed of course) my favorite phrase among friends is "Ashley (or I) will travel for food" for example last year for my birthday I went to Philly. To see my best friend and EAT. I am still planning a trip back and now food has an important place in travel plans (I still cant wait to get back to the US and do a brunch with my ladies, 23 months and counting hahaha!)

9. Love your sisters. I do mean biological, but HERE I am referring to that close group of girls who know your every secret. I think your best friends are your real soulmates - the ones that really don't leave and have seen you in every state and still decide to love and accept you undeniably. I am blessed to have a few and they mean the world to mean. I cheer and brag their every accomplishment because their win is my win. I know that if any of us stumble, together we can get up and get back our stride that much faster.

10. Perspective is relative. I see so many Of my peers doing amazing things and I applaud them all but I also realize (and have to be reminded) that all stories aren't the same and how I define success is different from someone else so stay in your own perspective lane and enjoy the blessings that come to you.

11. Travel solo. Something I have yet to do but something I definitely will THIS year. I want to see something purely. Without someone else's opinion influencing me. Plus it's easier with a party of one- you can do what you want.

12. Find your style. Rather it's hair bows, pantsuits or full face makeup all day, err'day. Finding and expressing your uniqueness is the best thing you can do to not only make yourself feel comfortable but to expose the world to "something new".

13. Identify your passion: as someone currently In pursuit of their purpose, I know that it will definitely have something to do with my passion. So if you know your passion you will walk into your purpose that way.

14. Know yourself. Knowing yourself and your likes dislikes, what makes you tick is of the upmost importance. And be true to you unapologetically.

15. Go against the grain. If you have something you've been wanting to do and are afraid because of others comments or lack of support, Do it. You have to live with yourself and your choices- regret included. I would rather live knowing I did something I wanted to and it taught me a lesson rather than living life without that lesson and growth.

16. Love. "It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all". I have always believed this statement and its truth. If you have never loved then you don't know selflessness. You don't know God. For to love is to be selfless and forgiving, to be respectful and giving. So love and love hard, but love with discernment because you don't want to give your "good loving" to an undeserving party.

17. Learn. Rather it's reading books and articles, or from talking with people. You should always be learning, constantly using your mind, because a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

18. Try something new. Rather it is once a year, month or week. Try something new. That new restaurant, go hiking, learn to ride a bike. Whatever "it" is. Do it. You may surprise yourself and like it (gasp) lol

19. Enjoy time alone. If you can't be alone and find solace start learning.

20. Read more. Articles books read mind stimulating information.

21. Treat yo'self. Not everytime but once in a while. Treat yourself to that purse, or buy that dress you've been eyeing for months.

22. Know how to cook. Basic but many don't know which is tragic. Have some special dishes up your sleeve and know how to properly cook meat (no one wants food poisoning).

23. Be open. Experiences. People (something I am still working on) just be open with experiencing life.

24. Have an outlet. Rather it is writing or screaming dancing walking. Have an outlet that allows you to de-stress.

25. Enjoy every moment of your life. You only get one and it won't be perfect but see the good, grow from the less pleasing moments and always wear a smile. It will change someone's day and give you so much happiness. So remember smile with your liver, smile with your face and smile with your heart. (I got that from Eat, Pray, Love - gotta Love Julia HA!)

Eurocreme*

*DISCLAIMER* These views are MY OWN, as I have experienced them personally and am sharing my perspectives and experiences.

I have written a whole post and realized I needed to start over. When I write my blog I usually just let it flow, but I really want this to come out the right way and to be a point of conversation - if you feel it necessary - and to just enlighten. So let me begin again by starting with this. I love being a Black Woman. (yup, we are going "There" in this post, so if you are (already) uncomfortable you can "leave" here.... {Buh-bye stop by my next post though ;) }

For those that stayed, Thank you!

When I applied and accepted my invitation for the Peace Corps I knew that my ethnicity would be an "issue" or topic of discussion. However I did not realize that it would make me feel as if my entire service is a direct result of it. My first evening in country I was called a Nigger. Yup, just like that. Actually no, what exactly was said to me was "I love Nigger". I had prepped myself that the possibility may occur but not on my first evening in country. When I heard the statement, I didn't hear the "I love" phrase said to me, I heard NIGGER! I literally stopped in my tracks and it felt like every one of my ancestors who live within me cried out from the pain and humiliation they endured to progress for me. I then felt like someone punched me in the face with brass knuckles. My heart literally ached, my mind was racing everywhere, what had I done, I was walking down the street laughing with friends, did I offend someone, was it because they said it "for fun", was it a source of entertainment? This plus other things (insert mental flashes - literally- of Mammy, blackface and jezebel images going through my mind) tormented me everytime I was in that city, and still do. Knowing that I am fair game to be talked and gossiped about, seen as a circus animal or source of entertainment and to just be talked about, makes me want to crawl into a little hole for the next two years at times. Add on the fact that I have natural hair which provides people even more "excuses" to point and laugh and talk about me, its just like Oh, great! Even in family settings I have been talked about by host family members who sat directly next to me laughing, whispering and pointing to my face, my hair, ME. Sounds about maddening doesn't it. To deal with this, along with stares, being followed in stores and every time you go somewhere. That people feel it necessary, and don't see a problem with, yelling things at me and making noises as I walk down the street. So why? Why deal with such things. Well for one, despite how uncomfortable I may feel, I may in some small way be breaking down a barrier(s). I expose people to something other than themselves. I get to teach about my history as a Black-American and my experience (that's a new thing considering we live in a post-racial society and no one thinks we have a race problem.. OK). People want to know EVERYTHING, and they don't always know what we consider "basic knowledge". For example, I taught my host cousin about Nelson Mandela. THE Nelson Mandela, she had never heard of him. We watched a movie on him and I gave background, and at the end was told, this was one of the best movies ever seen, that he was a great man. BREAKTHROUGH. I get to show the cultural diversity within America, that no I don't have to be from Africa to be black. I also get to see the effects of my culture abroad. I get to experience and see first hand perceptions that are held by the outside consumers of American culture.

It is interesting how many in Kosovo pride themselves on the fact that Kosovo is so inclusive and enjoys a multi-ethnic, multi-religious society. Yet I have some of the same experiences as Roma or darker men, women and children in Kosovo. We are marginalized, and though I am an American and that does have some benefit, I do not get the same respect as my fellow volunteers because of my skin. For example during a discussion with a Host country national I was told I was never called the "N" word here and must have been mistaken because Americans are held in high-esteem in Kosovo. That I was never followed in a store because someone thought I was going to steal something, they were just curious, however I was with 7 other Americans and none of them were followed or had anyone "tend" to them while shopping. Racism is still alive and well in Europe and many other places around the world. People just believe, because they have very homogenized societies, that they are inclusive and accepting because of "religious tolerance" which still isn't true because you are separated into communities, areas and those who are marginalized do their best to "stay away" from the majority of society. How people think it is a problem when you, a stranger, walks up to me asking to take a picture (if they even ask) and get an attitude when I respond "No." My blackness does not provide you the opportunity to treat me like your local circus attraction. My blackness doesn't mean that I am any less intelligent or mentally capable to understand and do things. My blackness DOES allow for me to be a strong, motivated, giving and appreciative human being who is aware of the disparities in the world to those with more melanin and say, I want to do something that facilitates awareness and promotes diversity in the face of all the negativity and ignorance that will be a reaction to my action. I want to be here, and I want to share my stories, facilitate cultural exchange, but sometimes people here make it really hard! But at the end of the day, just my presence makes a difference. I am so lucky for that. So I will continue to walk with my kinky hair, melanin-on-fleek (I said it), one of the tallest people on the street head held high, and allow just my presence to be a change agent. I hope there comes a point when people will understand that its rude and ignorant to treat people as a side show attraction, but if not, I will be here to help with the process because the only thing more constant than change, is change!

*Eurocreme is one of the many terms used to describe someone of color: Eurocreme is the chocolate filling put in a croissant by the way.

But Why Travel?...

Almost a month at site, I can not believe it! I have a few things on my mind/heart to blog about but I will start with this one and hopefully get to the others at sometime this week.

(Oh and make sure you click on the hyperlinks, I think you will gain more understanding)

When I was preparing to start my Peace Corps Service and still back in the US, one of the most common questions I would receive was "Why can't you stay in the states and do the same thing?" It seemed to me that everyone was scared for me to be abroad, or just lacked the understanding of why I had to do this MY way. Most suggested I just stay in the US and do AmeriCorps, now this isn't to discredit AmeriCorps in anyway, but why stay in my comfort zone; why should I stifle myself and my ambitions to suit the "needs" or wants of others? I've been quiet independent and have always been slightly "against the grain", so going abroad just made sense personally. I say that to get to this point. When I came to Kosovo there were many things I was naïve towards and travel was one of them. I know you are asking how can one be naïve to traveling, but here is how. Kosovo is the newest state in Europe, the second newest country in the world! The route to independence for this tiny country (approximately the size of Delaware - if I previously said Connecticut that's traveling size via public transport) has been very rocky and filled with controversy and a political tug of war. Though many have recognized Kosovo's sovereignty, many states have not (cue in Russia and Serbia, to name two, hence the tug of war) and that has created a sort of dichotomy for Kosovo. It is basically a semi state. In terms of passport acceptance it is limited to the surrounding area essentially (Montenegro, Macedonia, Serbia and Good Ol' Albania {cues Kuq e Zi}). Traveling to western nations such as Germany, Switzerland or even the US is extremely difficult and visas are hard to come by. So here I am a lucky American Girl who has the world as her oyster and can travel at will, yet the majority of people I have talked to here haven't even traveled around within country, yet alone TRY to travel internationally. ( you can gasp now). I know way too many people who are American and refuse to leave their little state and it annoys me to the moon and back. Now I am in Kosovo and people only dream of going to visit a loved one in Germany or even Italy but because of visas and other barriers (you need to have a job - hard with 30% unemployment- be in school, have a sponsor - I think - amongst other qualifications) can not and that American is back home just squandering their opportunity and talking about their "always bored" (side eye emoji here). They wont even leave their immediate surrounding area and see what else their own STATE has to offer - talk about laziness at its finest (yup I said it!) It is amazing to see that so many host country nationals haven't even been to some of the places I have been to in Kosovo (there are only about  6 major cities in the whole country, and none take more than 4 hours by bus from ANYWHERE in the country) and its cheap (by American standards), approximately 2-5 euros each way to get their via public transport. In Kosovo that is a possibly taxing amount of money to pay for a day trip due to the fact that many families, which usually consist of 5+ people, only have one source of income and that may be as low as 400 euros a month! If it isn't within probably a 20 minute drive, many haven't been, and don't get me started on not even leaving for school! So I treasure even the opportunity to travel within this country because so many do not have the opportunity to do even that! Being here has opened my eyes to so much and I am immensely appreciative for all that I do have, because someone else doesn't have it and dreams of the days and the times when they possibly will.

So yes, before coming to Kosovo I was very naïve, naïve about many things, but being here has broadened my horizons to just how fortunate I am to be an American. Not to say America is in anyway perfect or the best, but when I look at that ever growing list of places to go and I don't have to second guess being able to visit, for that I will forever be grateful. Children don't get to choose their lifestyle, but they can choose their path, and expanding the minds of children here to the opportunities that ARE afforded to them is a blessing in itself... So until my next rant-oops blog.. Appreciate it all, and embrace even the bad because your bad is someone else's daydream...

So travel far now ya' hear!
- Ashley