Passion... Or was that Purpose?

What do you want out of life?  (Persistent life question)

I was recently talking to a friend and discussing purpose and passion. What do you want? What do you enjoy? What is your God ordained purpose and gift to your fellow humans? Some people spend a lifetime searching for their purpose, their passion, their “meaning”. 27 months of a nontraditional lifestyle provides lots of time to sit and ponder anything your mind can fathom. As many 20-somethings I have had the dreaded “What will I do with my life question?”. Unlike some people, my life has usually been consistent and I’ve (usually) had a game plan. This is the first time in my life I have the “what next” question. I’ve only had 3 career choices my entire life, up until this point. First was a lawyer (I loved to argue and politics – then I found I didn’t want to compromise my morals), then a teacher (passionate about children and education, also building upon my love of social studies) and up until now working in the Foreign Service (first hand experiences with “social studies topics” and travel- best of both worlds). Now, after experiencing teaching and some of my passions, I have a little debacle. What will my next step be and ultimately, what is my purpose. Before heading out on my Peace Corps service, I had started the search for my purpose. I knew what things I liked and gravitated towards, but I hadn’t quite figured out my purpose. That, or I am looking too much into figuring it out – I am an analytical person, so I like thinking, and thinking, and thinking some more about things. I have many ideas of things I would like to do but I don’t know if I am supposed to be doing them or simply they are ideas… My friend got me thinking, which caused me to write in my journal and led to this blog, and it is just a general question – What is the best way to find your purpose. First I say let’s distinguish passion from purpose as many get them confused, yet they are intertwined.

Purpose (as defined by Merriam Webster) - the reason why something is done or used: the aim or intention of something: the feeling of being determined to do or achieve something: the aim or goal of a person: what a person is trying to do, become, etc

Passion (as defined by Merriam Webster Dictionary) - a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something : a strong feeling (such as anger) that causes you to act in a dangerous way

Many people believe that their purpose has to be their profession. Wrong (my opinion). You can have passion for something and that be your job and your side hustle is your real purpose. Passion simply means you will gain enjoyment from it. In some cases, something you are good at (purpose) isn’t as inspiring as your passion, but (in my opinion) as long as you are executing both, you are providing something of value to this world. Personally, I want something fulfilling and something that I am ordained to do. That when I do it, I get that certain glow, you see why I do what I do and that there are lives being touched form my work. My Peace Corps work gives me a certain level of satisfaction from time to time, however, I want more for myself, and my abilities. I have experienced moments where outsiders see more in me at times, than I do in myself. Sometimes that is necessary, but at the end of the day you should always see the most and the best in yourself. Those outside parties 1- may not be there to provide a push that has been placed inside you, or 2-may revert to a “nay-sayer” and try to dissuade you from accomplishing something massive/impactful in the lives of others. I want to be that woman who 1- breaks down barriers, 2- creates a pathway for others and 3- leaves a sustainable (Peace corps word #1) impact in this world.

So how does one find their purpose? I honestly don’t know. Some stumble upon it by a chance encounter. Others know from a young age. The majority, I think, develop into it. You find that you have something that you keep being drawn to and that is what you grow and develop in.

My quest in my two years in Kosovo, in addition to my Peace Corps duties, are to learn the most about myself and define my life’s purpose at this point. The ideal situation for me is to leave my Peace Corps Service with a defined idea of my future or, at least, my next steps. I believe my Peace Corps experience is setting me up for my future. All of the thinking has just allowed me to better develop a mindset and sense of direction I wouldn’t have been able to get in the United States. My suggestion for those still on their “purpose quest” is to focus inward. Don’t be afraid to be “selfish” and figure out the inner workings of yourself. Not only for your purpose, but just so you can fully develop into the man/woman you are meant to be and take your realized talents to progressive levels.
Let's take this progressive journey together... until the path of purposefulness is found, shihemi se shpejti (See you soon).

 

Love,

Ashley <3

Cka ka te re?

 

C'ka ka te ri, is a phrase asking what's new with you? Such a phrase here in Kosovo is typically met with hitch/asgje which means nothing. Well, I am proud to say something HAS been up, and that something is In-Service language training i.e. Albanian.... (cue the dun dun duns) Language IST is a way for Peace Corps to help refresh your Albanian language, as well as try to fine tune and provide new information to assist with grant terminology. So I received an e-mail informing me of the sessions and information needed but was taken aback when reading the disclaimer that sessions will be only in Albanian. Now I started to freak out! I am far from the most confident Albanian speaker, and typically sound like a child when speaking (think grammatical errors and the lovely uh, uh, uhs) so this was not comforting to me. As I arrived in Peja with about 9 other cohorts (we had trainings in different areas around the country to focus on smaller groups - thanks PC for that consideration) I figured I would just take the bull by the horn and take my language instruction as is and if its a fluke, so be it - Hey I gave it a try. To my surprise, lessons were understood, I got the gist of information provided and even caught on to some jokes - take THAT Albanian. Now let's not get hasty, there were moments filled with "Watchu say Willis?" and the lovely "brain check out" but they were far between and I exceeded my original expectations. Looking back on the training I had to give myself a break. Albanian is a difficult language, but I am conquering it, enjoying the process and constantly trying .... (OK usually trying - its tiring to think and talk constantly in this language)! Most credit has to go to my tutor, who has helped me learn my language learning style, laughed with me through my blunders but most importantly made me feel like it is possible - and gaining a friend in the process hasn't hurt. So with that aside, training was cool, and now I only have two weeks until Spring Break!

Also, in "New News", we had teacher's day last week and it was an interesting thing to see my students put on performances and display their various talents. After the performances, my director gave a short speech and distributed flowers, and I even got one! It was so sweet I thought I was misunderstanding when I heard my name called and the kids broke into thunderous applause (literally) and I was really honored they gave me flowers. It was a sweet gesture!

Lastly, I guess other new news is it is OFFICIALLY summer vacation planning time! Awesome because my lineup is pretty much finished, and it is panning out to be a fun, busy and passport stamp filled summer! This isn't even including the trainings I hope to participate in with the new group of volunteers who will be here in less than 3 short months! I can't believe our 1 year in country anniversary mark is approaching! It goes to show you, time flies when you're having fun, or at least teaching haha! Enjoy your weekend and I would love feedback on topics readers would like to hear about!

Tung!
~Ashley

EPOPEJA

March 5-7, days in the Kosovar Albanian community that will forever be memorialized. During these dates in 1998, the Jashari (Yuh-Shar-E) family compound was riddled with bullets, bombs and grenades. Hamez and Adem Jashari, UÇK (Kosovo Liberation Army) commanders in the Drenica region were targeted, and along with them, 53 family members and four guests were killed in a Serbian military attack. In addition to the Jashari family, those trying to flee from houses were also killed by Serbian snipers. There was one survivor of the attack, Hamez Jashari’s eight year old daughter who hid under her mother’s bread making table during the 2 day siege on her family's compound. This attack is one of the catalyst for the US and international response against the Yugoslav government in Kosovo. Here are some photos previously posted, of the Jashari compound and the memorial and museum.

Museum

Graves of the deceased

The homes most Jashari's were killed in

View of the destruction done by Serbian forces



On March 5^th I joined my family, as well as hundreds of others, who made a “pilgrimage” to the memorial to pay their respects and honor those who perished in the attacks. We viewed the museum which contained artifacts form the houses that were attacked, as well as personal items of the Jashari brothers. Inside of the museum there is a banner with the names, photos and dates of life of those women, men and children who were killed. On March 7^th my village, as well as the neighboring town celebrated this moment in history known as Epopeja.

 

The above banner could be found all around my surrounding community in the days leading up to the memorial date. The meaning of - Epopeja e Ushtrise Clirimtare te Kosoves is - The Epic Liberation Army of Kosova. On March 7^th, we had a lighting ceremony at the memorial where Kosovar Military personnel first set for to a large bonfire, and lit “torches” as they walked from the uppermost section of the memorial and from the bombed compound to the resting place of the deceased, lighting torches for all the deceased along the way. The lighting of the bonfire was to signify to those in the neighboring town, where a square is dedicated to Adem Jashari to begin their celebrations, which I was unable to attend this year, but watched the celebratory concert after returning home.

I have attached a video from the local TV Station where they show the entire procession, as well as the concert which began after. The procession starts at 3:30, and you also can continue watching to see popular Albanian entertainers and traditional folk dances as well.

There is little to be found on Kosovo, its history, or this particular event, however I have provided this link to give you an insight.

http://www.bosnia.org.uk/news/news_body.cfm?newsid=2842

Despite the lack of international knowledge of this event, the people, legacies and memories of this day as well as the mental and social impact it has had on my community is ever present and thought of. Trying to insert yourself into this community can be (and is) difficult, but I have a greater appreciation for my community and their strength after experiencing this event with them first-hand.

~ Ashley

The Terrible Six-vens

     When children hit the age of 2, parents usually go through a behavioral phase with their child(ren) known as the "Terrible 2's". During the terrible 2’s children have random outbursts, behavioral issues and a variety of other “issues”. Well, in Peace Corps, we can relate this approximately to months six and seven of your service. During months six and seven things get interesting in terms of the volunteers mental and emotional state. If you are in a school this is when you prepare for a winter break of travel or you just get a chance to relax and breath after the first portion of the school year comes to a close. Firstly, you congratulate yourself for making it through culture changes, counterparts, children who drive you crazy (yet you still "love" them, but not quite understanding why hahaha), homestay's and being able to understand a reasonable amount of conversations in some foreign language that's been driving you crazy for the past 6 months. Second, you are excited for whatever travel plans you've made and a chance to “experience something new”. You get out of country, or get to see another volunteer’s site, stay in the capital for more than 12-24 hours or whatever that “new” is. Third, you’re just glad you don’t HAVE to get up at 6 or 7 am, but may if you choose to. Now, once this break has passed and you’re preparing for that first day back at school you are actually somewhat excited. You are ready to hit the ground running, having had some rejuvenation and time “away”. Now that first day is good, day 2 not too bad, but by time that first Saturday back arrives, there comes a change in attitude. Things that you knew bothered you a bit now annoy you beyond belief. You start to feel stifled and like you are in a cage, and then you go somewhere and the stares and pointing and comments start back and several thoughts start to run through your mind. Thoughts may range from “I just can’t deal/adult today (or ever)” to “Why am I doing this” and then comes my favorite “I DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS!” Hello, you have just hit your terrible six-vens (six/seven months). In training your PDMO will tell you how once you hit months  six to seven you start leveling out and the emotional roller-coaster that you were on all during PST and the first three months at site will now subside. What they DON’T tell you is that as that may be true and your random “flare-ups” may subside the feeling of “OH CRAP this is really my life now, SAVE ME!” sets in. You can’t quite shake your annoyed/irritable/sad/stuck/misunderstood/anti-social/missing my old life feelings. But I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Personally, my six-vens lasted about 2 weeks, and lots of journaling, a night out with other volunteers and finding things to busy yourself with really helps. Rather it is planning the next vacation, helping other teachers, creating a plan of action, visiting friends etc. Everything helps.

So don’t fray, your six-vens may be a hard time, but you’re half way through your school year almost, and you’ve been pushing through like a true PCV! You got this, and if that doesn’t work, there is always another volunteer who is going through it who you can cry to :-p

To friends and family at home, support your PCV for they are really missing you, their old life and all the holiday festivities etc. Get those “we are thinking of you” care packages packed and shipped to help your PCV out, and just a friendly ENCOURAGING Skype session goes a LONG way (Don’t mention to us “You can always come home” – that’s NOT what we need)!

So here is to making it through your Terrible Six-vens and looking forward to that 1 year hump! :)

Gezuar Vit i Ri/Prost Neujahr/ Happy New Year!

     Happy New Year! It has been a long year and we are now set to begin school tomorrow after 2 weeks of Winter Break. Winter break was amazing fun - I finally got my travel clearance (No more probation!) and went on a 3 country tour in 2 weeks! The last week of school was your typical school week before break, inattentive students and worn out teachers. The last day school was unexpectedly shortened {School was done around oh 11 something in the morning and I wasn't aware, I started at 12:20) and my activity and snacks for my kids was cancelled (typical Kosovo). So I started off break sick (thanks to my hacking students - I still love them though - and prepared for a mini European tour. I started off break in Skopje, Macedonia with another volunteer just enjoying some free time, shopping and change in diet (Yay Mexican and Chinese!). We saw lots of gorgeous sites and ate to our hearts content.

Nativity at the church

Mother Teresa Chapel in Memorial House

Mother Teresa Memorial House

View from on the Stone Bridge

 

Kale Fortress

Looking from the fortress

Skopje atop the fortress

City Center of Skopje

     After three days of non-pre planned travel and friend time, I headed to Vienna, Austria to meet my parents and show them around my "2nd home" as their personal tour guide in their first European adventure! We visited Bratislava, Slovakia and Salzburg, Austria in addition to Vienna. We were nonstop pretty much the entirety of their trip but it was so worth it! We decided to get the 2-day Vienna pass which was definitely worth the price because we saw about 8-10 museums and attractions during our 2 day use of it (some of which weren't worth the money - but that's my personal opinion). Additionally we toured the Heindl Chocolate factory where we got to taste some new chocolate treats and I found a new favorite chocolate candy - too bad its in Austria - but it was definitely worth the 10 euro price. We ate so much and I even got to try Persian food with a new friend I met while in Vienna. We celebrated New Years Eve and Day in Vienna, on NYE they had 2 or 3 different locations around the city where they were doing DJs and fireworks, we didn't stay for the fireworks there, but we did watch them from out hotel roof with the staff members.
     During our time in Bratislava, we saw the Fortress, various churches, took in the sights and sounds of children enjoying their break skating while their parents enjoyed a glass of hot wine (one of my new favorites by the way) and lots of walking. In Salzburg, I got a chance to show my parents my first "home-away-from-home" and show them locations I used to live, frequent and some interesting sights. Salzburg has changed so much in the 5 years I have been away, but it still retains that charming town feel that I grew to love! We also had the 78 euro lunch experience at Nordsee (we walked out - no one should pay that much for lunch LOL) and ended up eating at the Italian restaurant near my old dorm. We attempted to go to Augustinerbrau - the brewery in Salzburg - where I first experienced beer - but it was closed :( . All in all it was a great trip and a great "refresher" though I am no where near refreshed, and more like re-exhausted hahaha. Below are our pictures from Vienna, Bratislava and Salzburg. Happy Travels everyone and Happy New Year!

In front of the Puppet store in Bratislava

Parents 

Bratislava streets

The Fortress in Bratislava

St. Stephens Cathedral in Vienna

Heindl Museum

Apfelstrudel show at Schonbrunn Palace

Enjoying Hotwine at Schonbrunn

Inside St. Peters Church (I think) in Vienna

Prater Amusement Park

Salzburg Train Station

Parade in Salzburg

Salzburg Fortress from below

Parade end on Linzergasse in Salzburg

Giant pretzel stand in Salzburg

Half Year Update!

Six months ago today, I walked down the jet bridge and onto a flight that would bring me to my current destination, Kosova. I have officially been here for six months and I cant believe time has gone so quickly. It is amazing to think how different my life is now and all the events and opportunities that have occurred and still have yet to occur. Speaking of events, let me bring you up to speed on what has been occurring since my last post.

1. IST - We just had our IST (In Service Training). IST is when your group of volunteers get back together and discuss issues, successes, get new ideas and just enjoy being with your cohorts again. My favorite things about IST (besides my friends) The sauna, the shower and THE BED - Oh My Goodness, that bed made me (and my back) extremely happy. But in all seriousness it was a good reprieve from everyday life and to get some new tips of the trade etc.

2. Thanksgiving - My first Thanksgiving abroad. I co-taught with another volunteer and then we prepared a small (very small) version of thanksgiving dinner. It was nice to spend some time with her and her family, as well as getting the opportunity to test my from scratch kitchen skills (not too shabby if I do say so myself). On Saturday we went to a staff members house and had a "traditional" American Thanksgiving - Turkey (even one from Mongolia - Woo Hoo!) and trimmings included. Almost all of the volunteers got together and we all cooked (or brought) something. It was a really nice get together and having some type of American food is always a plus.

3. Winter Break - 2 weeks away and all I can do is sit in excitement. I get to see my parents after 6 months away, and it is one of the best feelings. In addition to my visit with my parents, another volunteer and I have plans to do a quick vacation, before we both see our parents. I am excited for the opportunity to visit new (and old) places and create new memories. Plus, I will forever having the pleasure of knowing I am the reason my parents FINALLY went to Europe :)

4. School - After being away for a week from "my kids" (my students) I am missing those loveable, adorable yet loud children hahaha. I can't wait to see them and get updated on all their lives (which will probably be very limited changes from I went to see my Uncle to maybe I saw my aunt this weekend - doesn't matter - still love them the same).

Between competitions and a mini snow storm and normal day to day activities Ksovo is definitely keeping me busy. Hopefully I can at least keep up with one entry a month, because even that seems to be a tad much now haha!

Shihemi (see you soon)

Hajde ne Shkolle! (Come on to School!)

It has been a hectic couple of weeks here in Kosovo and they're only going to get busier (Hello holiday and idea season). All the volunteers are being productive and we are doing great things in this evolving country. I have been wanting to do a new post, and have had a variety of ideas but decided to focus on my experience thus far in the Kosovar School System.
     Going into my 2nd month of school there are so many differences that I see in my local community's school than I experienced back in the states. For one the school day. In my village we only have one schedule - 40 minute classes beginning at 8:50am and ending at 1:50pm (but it is usually more like 1:45pm). Most other schools usually have a morning and an afternoon shift because there isn't enough room for all the kids to attend at the same time (each class already usually houses anywhere from 25-35 students in my experience). The schools do not have a cafeteria in them, everyone eats at home, and there is a small market close to the school for the students to grab a snack during their 15 minute break halfway through the school day. There is no front office, students, teachers, parents, all go in and out freely, without much, if any, supervision. It is a much more relaxed setup than in 'The States. I have experienced students leaving their 2nd period in order to go "have a girls day" in the nearby town, walking into an empty classroom because students decided they wanted to visit a sick friend during the school day and great future lawyers who will try to bargain with a teacher to give them a 5 (an A) and they will participate more, otherwise they won't and will take the 4 (insert side-eye). These of course are just some of the most drastic things I have dealt with. For the most part the students are similar to the U.S. - the younger they are, the more enthusiastic haha! When it comes to respect students refer to their teachers as "Teacher/Mesues/Arsimtare". You won't find a Mr. so and so or Mrs./Ms. anywhere. Anytime an adult enters the room or opens a door, or a student is picked to speak you will see young bodies standing to greet and speak. Personally, I still tell my students to sit down as soon as I get in the room - it weirds me out seeing them standing for me, almost like I am the Commander-in-Chief or something HAHA! So one random fact that was told to me by a few teachers in Kosovo, they think the USA has 52 states, like the books even say so (insert big eyed emoji here) so I spent one free period going through my geography teachers book in my school to see if I could help if there were any "typos" which I didn't find - yet. When it comes to English, a lot of students \have difficulty because of the teaching style, so I  and my counterpart have taken a different approach to what the norm was for our students. As of right now, Jeopardy is a HUGHE hit and so is Pictionary. My biggest struggle is that after school all students just go home. There aren't any after school programs in my village for them to continue to foster their relationships and grow new skill sets etc.
     The school system here, in my village, we do not have starter schools (think Pre-K and Nursery). The students start at Kindergarten or 1st grade, and stay with the same group of students their entire primary career (for example whoever is in your homeroom is who you have every class with for the next 10 years in that school). Also, students do not change classrooms, teachers do - so much for worrying about classroom decorations ha!. Also there aren't any Special education, honors or advanced classes in the Primary school. This was something that showed me just how hard it is to be a teacher here because if you are a student here you can easily be left behind or bored if you have a learning issue or get bored in class because the coursework is too easy. Working with multi-level classrooms is very interesting and stressful at the same time and you often wonder how much students really understand and retain throughout the day.
   I would love to continue this post but that is all I can think of for now, it is late in Kosovo and I have a full day at work tomorrow, until next time Naten e Mire!